A fun fact about Discord is that no matter what server you join, you would automatically be assumed as a male user. If you try to convince the members otherwise, you’d be labelled a predator living in your parents’ basement. Using ‘uwu’ as part of your vocabulary or having a female anime profile picture (pfp) won’t help your case either. In other instances, you’d be hit up with declarations like “then you’re definitely a femboy.” Heck, on some servers you’d even be banned for identifying as a ‘femboy’ alongside furries.
So what exactly is a femboy? Why do people on social media platforms like Discord either hate or fetishise them—with absolutely no in-between? Are they just feminine soft boys? Let’s set the record straight, once and for all.
Also known as ‘roseboy’ and ‘otokonoko’, a femboy is a young, cisgender male with feminine gender presentation. Typically under the age of 30, this person may present himself in a very feminine manner either part of the time or all of the time. According to Urban Dictionary, femboys are not to be confused with ladyboys: a term used to describe male to female transgender people in Asia, particularly in Thailand.
“Femboys are also different from cross-dressers,” a top entry on the platform goes on to read. “Despite being feminine, femboys do not necessarily wear clothing designed for females, but this is very common.” It is also important to note that being a femboy says nothing about one’s sexuality. One can identify anywhere on the spectrum and call themselves a femboy. In short, context is crucial before you start throwing the term around to label absolutely anyone in a skirt.
“Femboys are basically feminine men, just like there are feminine girls and masculine girls,” TikTok influencer Seann Altman told SCREENSHOT. “So when you use the word ‘feminine man’ to explain a femboy, it gives people a better idea that he’s just a boy—who’s also feminine.”
‘Femboy’ first emerged in the 1990s as a derogatory term for men who didn’t adhere to the traditional norms of masculinity. The term was synonymous with ‘sissy’ or ‘wimp’, until the internet picked it up and redefined it in a positive light. In 2001, femboys created their first online community called ‘Boi Fancy’, and today, the term is adopted as a self-descriptor for males who prefer a mix of feminine and masculine traits—complete with their own subreddits and Discord servers.
While there’s no particular accessory or clothing on the femboy must-have list, Amazon believes cat-eared hoodies, skater skirts, leather chokers and striped thigh-high socks are the way to go. Not to mention… maid outfits. A quick scroll through the results for ‘femboy’ on the e-commerce website will plop you into the frilly land of “Lolita maid costumes” with dedicated gloves, headwear and neck straps.
Initially popular among cosplayers, the outfit in question boomed in interest after it was trialed on Raymond, a popular Animal Crossing character. Since then, femboys on TikTok (close to two billion views and counting) have become synonymous with maid costumes, catering to an increasing fan base with demands along the lines of “bless us with some maid content, senpai!”
“As a feminine male, I dress more feminine. Sometimes I wear skirts or dresses and even put on makeup because it makes me feel good and it’s fun,” Altman admitted. “Sometimes I don’t feel like dressing up and I’m in my pyjamas all day, but that doesn’t make me any less of a feminine man.”
However, the influencer mentioned that labelling a person by their appearance is extremely problematic in itself. “The belief that heterosexuality is the ‘holy’ sexuality has impacted how we view gender now. You can’t tell what someone identifies by just looking at them. The only way to really know someone’s identity is to ask them personally.”
Though this entire section can be summarised by stating Rule 34 also known as ‘if it exists, there will be porn of it’, I’ll still go ahead and attempt to explain the problematic roots of femboy fetishisation.
PornHub introduced ‘femboy’ as a searchable category in 2013 surrounding a string of sexual fantasies relating to the term at the time. Fast forward nine years, the genre currently features slender, curvy and often cross-dressing men in leather—claiming to be “the ultimate cure to incels.” In fact, femboys are also popular on the platform’s ‘furry sex’ genre. Did I mention all the hentai based on the lifestyle preference?
Further fetishisation stems from the concept of ‘Femboy Hooters,’ a femboy rendition of the popular American restaurant chain, Hooters. Because who’d have guessed otherwise?
“Hooters but it’s staffed entirely by femboys” is all it took for a tweet to blow up the internet, leaving subreddits, Discord servers and a petition on change.org to “make dreams come true” in its wake. Femboy Hooters essentially fetishises scantily-clad feminine males staffing the restaurant chain, and just like everything else on the internet, Rule 34 applied—garnering it a genre of its own on PornHub.
“Everything is sexualised, what’s different about me?,” Altman said, highlighting how there’s a difference between being sexualised versus being fetishised. “Fetishisation is a power dynamic between the sex object and the consumer. The fetishiser seeks out a specific type of person to fulfil a fantasy they may have.” According to the California State University graduate, however, being fetishised to the point where a minority is specifically sought out for only sexual purposes is wrong.
“For example, there are a lot of forums on Reddit for femboys where some men go like ‘I would never be in a relationship with a femboy but I would have sex with one’. Even though the conversation is on the down-low, it’s wrong. We are all people and shouldn’t be treated like we are just objects of sex.”
Despite the negative ‘Fap or Trap’ connotations the lifestyle preference has been subjected to, femboys on TikTok have had a massive impact on the conversation based around toxic masculinity. “My advice would be to stop being afraid of yourself and literally be who you are because it is the most liberating thing to do,” Altman summed up. “Explore your feminine traits and explore your masculine ones too. We all have a little of both. No one has to fit into this box or societal standard of what it means to be a boy or a girl.”
Last week, I spent two hours of my life watching a 12-year-old reload his Nerf gun, shoot a paper bag at close range and flex his parents’ credit cards on a live Discord stream before getting banned by a moderator. The only other time I decided to visit a voice channel (VC) on the server again was when a user decided to screen share furry porn for the sake of non-premium Pornhub members on the platform. Among these “regular VC things” is an entire subculture—reappropriated to suit Dicord’s community guidelines altogether. Introducing the uwu girls of Discord, a niche genre of sugar babies who are highly specific in their needs, goals and approach.
Similar to XD and :-), UwU or uwu is a texting emoticon used to denote both happiness and cuteness. Remember how Chandler from Friends is acknowledged as the poster child for the XD emoticon? For uwu, visualise an anime girl’s face when she’s overjoyed or spots a cold-but-cute tsundere across the street. The two ‘u’s symbolise closed eyes while the mouth is upturned into a bashful smile forming a ‘w’. The emoticon essentially captures a warm and fuzzy feeling—with a hint of blush to top it all off.
Although there’s enough evidence to trace its origins back to 2004, it wasn’t until early 2018 that uwu truly started conquering the internet. In fact, Google Trends for the search term hit an all-time high in September 2021 and has remained steady ever since. Over time, however, the emoticon has witnessed tremendous criticisms to evolve into a full-blown subculture today.
Labelled “the common language of furries” and “Satan’s resting bitch face,” the usage of uwu is presently considered a war crime on the internet. “If you use this, the furries will name you their leader and normal people will try to destroy you,” a top entry on Urban Dictionary reads. “You’ll also be called a weeb or weeaboo.” Among the 54 pages of definitions on the platform, users have also advised how gaming keyboards and video game controllers can be used “to destroy the demonic beings who use the word to summon Satan himself.”
Though the usage of uwu is considered a sin, what if there’s an entire subculture out there dedicated to channelling the forbidden emoticon into their lifestyle? And what if this subculture is attracted to gaming keyboards and video game controllers rather than repelled by it like the rest of the internet thinks?
An uwu girl is the most uwu person on the planet. She is the literal embodiment of the forbidden emoticon. She walks and talks uwu. And what I mean by ‘talks uwu’ is that she literally says ‘uwu’ (pronounced ‘oowoo’) out loud. It’s similar to using XD or lol in a physical conversation—provided they were subcultures with a community to back them up.
Decked in pink wigs and oversized hoodies pulled to make sweater paws, uwu girls position themselves in the intersection between soft girls and egirls. However, they should not be confused with these two. They essentially merge a soft girl’s love for pastel colours, stuffed Sanrio plushies, heart patterns and blush-heavy makeup with an egirl’s gaming preferences. On Amazon, the subculture is synonymous with oversized hoodies, skater skirts, PVC heart choker necklaces and cat-ear gaming headsets. A quick search on Etsy and Depop, on the other hand, will softly plop you into a pastel land filled with kandi bracelets, bandages, knee-high socks, hoodies and heart-printed tank tops.
To date, uwu girls have amassed an entire subreddit, a dedicated hashtag on TikTok with 14.3 billion views, exclusive Minecraft skins and GIFs on Tenor. Heck, there are even uwu translators available on the internet today to capture the true essence of the subculture in texts. “Hi, how are you?” Nah, I only know “hi, how awe uwu”—all in intentional lowercases. The subculture has further succumbed to Rule 34 (also known as ‘if it exists, there is porn of it’) and inspired a porn genre on the adult entertainment site, Pornhub. The popularity of ahegao faces and HuCow costumes within the subculture doesn’t exactly help its case either. Among this shift, however, a small group of uwu girls have flocked to Discord—an instant-messaging platform popular among gamers—with the manifestation of a highly specific purpose.
According to Input Mag, a Discord uwu girl is a “type of uwu girl who is usually faking or accentuating her uwu aesthetic to get money from men.” Donning cat-ear headsets, they can be found using sugary, high-pitched voices to chat with users across servers and convince admins to pay for her Nitro. They are also speculated to share their Amazon wishlists with Discord ‘kings’ and talk them into ordering their favourite items off the platform. In this regard, uwu girls are considered to be a niche genre of sugar babies—with needs and goals reappropriated to suit the platform altogether.
“Pfft, are they actually a thing?” I hear all of you 2015 Discord OGs ask. On a quest to fact-check their presence, SCREENSHOT spoke to two uwu girls who are now self-proclaimed ‘Discord kittens’.
“I’m the uwu qween of Discord,” said Bri, who agreed to all the claims made by Input Mag. Joining Discord two years ago, Bri mentioned that she uses the word ‘uwu’ to denote something she usually finds cute. Does she own cat-ear headsets? “I actually ordered one!” Is it pink? “Yes! My favourite colour uwu.”
According to Bunni, a user currently inching towards her fifth anniversary as a Discord kitten, uwu girls on the platform are synonymous with “stereotypical, feminine colours, high-pitched voices, cosplays and lo-fi music.” When asked what being a Discord kitten entails, she outlined how the “profession” involves “being really friendly with other users in a cute way.” Although Bunni joined Discord with the aim of merely socialising with others, she was quickly perceived as a Discord kitten. As for Bri, the ‘uwu qween’ has her own server, which is listed on Disboard. “New people join everyday and some of them start chatting too,” she added. Apart from engaging with users on her own server, Bri also admitted to joining random voice channels across Discord.
Now onto fact-checking the real deal: Nitros. Introduced in 2017, Discord Nitro is a subscription-based package where users can customise their own emojis, use an animated avatar, claim a custom tag, boost a server and upload files up to 100 MB. Nitro essentially offers a range of perks to the creators on the platform and helps users stand out on servers. With “bro, give me nitro” as her custom status, Bunni agreed to the claims about other users paying for her Nitros. “I once complained to my friend that my Nitro ended and he gave me a year of Nitro,” Bri added. “I’ve never bought Nitro myself.”
Doesn’t all of this guarantee a ban on Discord though? I mean, I once got banned from a voice channel just because others could hear the crickets chirping in my backyard. “This is actually my new account since my old one got banned from most servers,” Bunni admitted. When asked if moderators ban all uwu girls with a misconception about their intentions, Bunni disagrees. “One user reported me across servers and that’s why I got banned from all of them,” she added.
Harassment and verbal abuse is common practice on Discord, believe it or not. Although Bri admitted to not having faced any, Bunni was quick to offer her views on the same. “I don’t think Discord can fix this flaw either,” she said. “I know my self-worth and that’s all that matters.”
During my chats with Yumi, an ‘ex-uwu girl’, the user admitted to coming across Discord kittens in chat rooms who leaned more towards the aesthetic part of the subculture. “A lot of them are very annoying,” she said. “But some are genuinely sweet. It really depends.” After hearing about their deals with Nitro, however, the user immediately regretted leaving the subculture. Oh, how I wish to have Nitro!” she sighed conclusively.
Beware, salt daddies—be it for the subscription-based perks or items off their Amazon wishlist, uwu girls of Discord exist and they exist loudly enough to tame your petty butts. Are they actually healthy for the platform? Well if you ask me, I’ve seen more concerning stuff go down on there that needs immediate attention. Maybe reaping monetary benefits and engaging in a supposed “scam” can eventually help bring attention to the hypersexualisation of women in the gaming industry. Or maybe the subculture will evolve and grip another platform with an entirely different purpose. Nevertheless, it all just goes on to show how a three-letter word can influence culture single-handedly. Next up: owo and qwq!