Is the very demure, very mindful TikTok trend rife with misogyny or just silly, goofy fun?
Brat summer may be wrapping up faster than we expected, making way for a demure fall. Throw out your BIC lighters and white tank tops, and for god’s sake, go wash your hair already. Oh, sorry, that wasn’t very demure, very mindful of me, now was it?
Welcome to the internet’s latest trend: demure. But what is it, and why do we suddenly care about it when we’ve spent the whole summer screaming X-rated lyrics by Chappell Roan and Charli XCX? The classic source of definitions, Merriam-Webster, defines demure as an adjective that means “reserved, modest, and coy.” But we’re more interested in what it means for the Gen Z girlies, and why it’s taken over TikTok and X.
@laufey ♬ original sound - laufey
@imdrebrown Very mindful, very demure! #demure
♬ original sound - DeAndre Brown
What is the ‘very demure, very mindful’ trend?
We’ve got Jools Lebron, a self-proclaimed “fierce diva” TikToker, to thank for this latest trend. On her account @joolieannie, she’s posted several videos advising the internet on how to be “demure” and “mindful” in their daily life. The content creator’s first video, which quickly went viral, involved Jools sitting in a car and explaining how to do makeup for work.
“You see how I do my makeup for work? Very demure. Very mindful,” Jools explains. “I don’t come to work with a green-cut crease. I don’t look like a clown when I go to work. I don’t do too much. I’m very mindful while I’m at work. You see how I look very presentable? The way I came to the interview is the way I go to the job. A lot of you girls go to the interview looking like Marge Simpson and go to the job looking like Patty and Selma. Not demure. I’m very modest. I’m very mindful. You see my shirt? Only a little chee chee out, not my cho cho. Be mindful of why they hired you. Here’s your reality check, diva. What’s the name you’d like me to make it out to?”
@joolieannie ♬ original sound - Jools Lebron
From there, Jools has taken us on a “very demure, very mindful” journey—whether it’s retrieving her ID from a bar, boarding a plane or getting rid of a makeup-sweat moustache. She’s not the only one posting about it anymore, as countless other creators are now joining the trend, making sure to credit her as they’re “very demure, very mindful.”
@joolieannie ♬ original sound - Jools Lebron
@joolieannie ♬ original sound - Jools Lebron
From taking antidepressants and jumping to conclusions to rotting in bed and eating salads, everything can be demure if you want it to be.
Is the ‘very demure, very mindful’ trend problematic?
Now it’s time for me to be the opposite of very demure and very mindful, and poke some holes in this fun trend. Sorry, not sorry.
When I started seeing these videos everywhere, my immediate thought was that it might be yet another way for women to diminish themselves. I know, I know, but can you really blame me? Tradwives are one of the internet’s latest obsessions, and despite their divisive values, everyone seems to be stumbling over themselves to defend the ultimate tradwife, Ballerina Farm. We’re witnessing a lack of reproductive rights the world hasn’t seen since the 50s. Young girls have been stabbed at a Taylor Swift-themed dance class. The Eras Tour was cancelled in Vienna due to terrorist threats, and the list goes on. The world is one big dumpster fire, incel culture is more powerful and terrifying than ever before, and it f*cking sucks to be a woman right now.
The ‘very demure, very mindful’ trend also feels like a move towards the values of viral tradwives, urging us to be calm and quiet, collected and gentle. It’s almost as if the untamed power of brat summer terrified the patriarchy and so they responded by guiding us to demure fall disguised as a TikTok trend. Telling us what makeup is appropriate for work feels a short step away from telling us we have to wear skirts, or the kind of bra strap bullshit patrolled in high schools. I guarantee at least one HR rep has added this term to a dress code already. Aside from image, I’ve spent my life being told to be seen and not heard, to be ladylike and respectful. Brat summer felt like the first time I was granted permission to be a mess, to be loud and unapologetic, and I’m not ready to let go of that.
That being said, after spending much time rotting in bed and ‘researching’ TikToks for this article, I can conclude that this isn’t a case of The Patriarchy, at least not yet. I can’t speak for Jools, but most of the videos duetting the creator’s original video are actually subverting the ideals. They’re having silly, goofy fun and intend to be taken as satirical. Taking your antidepressants like a Bridgerton lady, coordinated sweats for rotting in bed, and eating Cheetos with a fork to avoid that orange stain are all the kinds of demure behaviour I can get behind.
It’s only a matter of time until straight men take this trend and ruin it, but until then, it’s for the girlies, and we are thriving in it. I plan to be very demure and very mindful by sipping peppermint tea as I read the nastiest faerie smut I can get my paws on.
