Is your date only interested in talking about themselves? Congratulations, you’ve been Kanye’d
He’s that ex who’ll hide in the bushes, make things uncomfortable for your present boo and give them trashy nicknames. He can’t seem to keep your texts private and posts oddly-cropped screenshots on Instagram with capital-lettered paragraphs for captions. He’ll then delete them and send you truckloads of flowers on Valentine’s day—all the while pledging his faith in your relationship and preaching your ship name publicly.
Oh, and he also keeps calling people out with somewhat scary handwritten notes, shares poorly-photoshopped Captain America: Civil War posters and uses your initials ‘K’ instead of ‘C’ (read: Krystal Klear) everywhere. Did I mention that among all of this, he even takes mugshots of himself to prove that his Instagram account has not been hacked? Clearly, no one talks about Kanye as much as Kanye does. Heck, he’s his own paparazzi if you really think about it.
And if you’ve ever been on a date with someone who’s only interested in talking about themselves, then I hate to break it to you but darling, you’ve been Kanye’d.
What even is Kanye-ing?
Kanye-ing is used to define a one-sided dating experience where you engage in a monologue rather than a dialogue with your potential lover across the table. It’s a situation where someone is chatty and happy to answer questions about themselves without asking any in return. At the end of the day, your partner—who you thought was interested in you over texts—is notably absent during the date, can’t keep a conversation and will always twist the narrative to indulge in themselves.
For example, let’s imagine you’re talking about your life while winning the MTV Video Music Awards for Best Female Video, he’ll probably interject and ramble on about watching Beyoncé’s music videos instead. Sounds familiar?
According to the Canadian online dating service Plenty of Fish, a whopping 45 per cent of singles have found themselves trapped in this situation. “These people are egocentric and put a bigger emphasis on their own value than yours,” psychologist Darren Stanton told Indy100. “To them, they may just want to impress and think they are doing a good job of sweeping you off their feet by telling you about their well-paid job, their interests and their good group of friends.”
However, it can’t be denied that quality back-and-forth conversations are what define the initial sparks in a relationship. Dominating the conversations on your first date will not only bore the heck out of your potential partner but also shatter all hopes for a second one.
That being said, it’s also worth noting how most people don’t realise that they’re Kanye-ing their dates in the first place. In an interview with Elite Daily, clinical psychologist Dr Joshua Klapow explained that people who engage in one-sided conversations might just be inexperienced daters with a lack of understanding about relationships, compromise and sharing. “For some, being in a relationship may be the first time they have not been able to ‘have it all’ the way they want it all the time,” Dr Klapow added.
On these terms, Stanton additionally mentioned how those on the providing end of the dating phenomenon are actually quite introverted. “Anyone who feels that wealth and possessions are the basis for a great date, or potential relationship, is clearly way off the mark,” he concluded.
Welp! How do I avoid being Kanye’d?
Plan A in such situations is to try and find a way to nudge yourself into the supposed ‘conversation’. Establish your presence vocally but try not to interrupt them mid-chat as they would. For instance, try switching subjects frequently until they get a hold of the dynamics.
If that doesn’t pan out, then start signalling your growing disinterest. No better wake-up call than making them realise that they’re losing their only audience, right? However, if they’re still in their delulu, be bold and let them know that you’d like to have an equal conversation—because ultimately, it’s not your sole responsibility to understand the shortcomings of the conversational dynamics in question. “If this is their default personality style, then it is their job to work against that in order to be a better partner,” Dr Klapow noted.
And if all of this fails, then get out of there before he whips out another “Imma let you finish but…” Julia Fox learned it the hard way but you don’t have to. If you ask me, even Kpop idol chatting apps are proven to keep better conversations that don’t revolve around the interests of whoever’s on the other end. And that’s saying something.
