He’s that ex who’ll hide in the bushes, make things uncomfortable for your present boo and give them trashy nicknames. He can’t seem to keep your texts private and posts oddly-cropped screenshots on Instagram with capital-lettered paragraphs for captions. He’ll then delete them and send you truckloads of flowers on Valentine’s day—all the while pledging his faith in your relationship and preaching your ship name publicly.
Oh, and he also keeps calling people out with somewhat scary handwritten notes, shares poorly-photoshopped Captain America: Civil War posters and uses your initials ‘K’ instead of ‘C’ (read: Krystal Klear) everywhere. Did I mention that among all of this, he even takes mugshots of himself to prove that his Instagram account has not been hacked? Clearly, no one talks about Kanye as much as Kanye does. Heck, he’s his own paparazzi if you really think about it.
And if you’ve ever been on a date with someone who’s only interested in talking about themselves, then I hate to break it to you but darling, you’ve been Kanye’d.
Kanye-ing is used to define a one-sided dating experience where you engage in a monologue rather than a dialogue with your potential lover across the table. It’s a situation where someone is chatty and happy to answer questions about themselves without asking any in return. At the end of the day, your partner—who you thought was interested in you over texts—is notably absent during the date, can’t keep a conversation and will always twist the narrative to indulge in themselves.
For example, let’s imagine you’re talking about your life while winning the MTV Video Music Awards for Best Female Video, he’ll probably interject and ramble on about watching Beyoncé’s music videos instead. Sounds familiar?
According to the Canadian online dating service Plenty of Fish, a whopping 45 per cent of singles have found themselves trapped in this situation. “These people are egocentric and put a bigger emphasis on their own value than yours,” psychologist Darren Stanton told Indy100. “To them, they may just want to impress and think they are doing a good job of sweeping you off their feet by telling you about their well-paid job, their interests and their good group of friends.”
However, it can’t be denied that quality back-and-forth conversations are what define the initial sparks in a relationship. Dominating the conversations on your first date will not only bore the heck out of your potential partner but also shatter all hopes for a second one.
That being said, it’s also worth noting how most people don’t realise that they’re Kanye-ing their dates in the first place. In an interview with Elite Daily, clinical psychologist Dr Joshua Klapow explained that people who engage in one-sided conversations might just be inexperienced daters with a lack of understanding about relationships, compromise and sharing. “For some, being in a relationship may be the first time they have not been able to ‘have it all’ the way they want it all the time,” Dr Klapow added.
On these terms, Stanton additionally mentioned how those on the providing end of the dating phenomenon are actually quite introverted. “Anyone who feels that wealth and possessions are the basis for a great date, or potential relationship, is clearly way off the mark,” he concluded.
Plan A in such situations is to try and find a way to nudge yourself into the supposed ‘conversation’. Establish your presence vocally but try not to interrupt them mid-chat as they would. For instance, try switching subjects frequently until they get a hold of the dynamics.
If that doesn’t pan out, then start signalling your growing disinterest. No better wake-up call than making them realise that they’re losing their only audience, right? However, if they’re still in their delulu, be bold and let them know that you’d like to have an equal conversation—because ultimately, it’s not your sole responsibility to understand the shortcomings of the conversational dynamics in question. “If this is their default personality style, then it is their job to work against that in order to be a better partner,” Dr Klapow noted.
And if all of this fails, then get out of there before he whips out another “Imma let you finish but…” Julia Fox learned it the hard way but you don’t have to. If you ask me, even Kpop idol chatting apps are proven to keep better conversations that don’t revolve around the interests of whoever’s on the other end. And that’s saying something.
Kim Kardashian with Pete Davidson? Her sister Kourtney with Travis Barker? Are those somewhat out of the ordinary relationships a reflection of the now-infamous manic pixie boy hype or could they be part of a new dating trend predicted to be one of many to dominate 2022? Well, among the long list of new dating trends set to make their mark this year, one in particular caught our attention: untyping.
Untyping is a term that has been coined to describe the act of dating people outside of your usual ‘type’. Perhaps it was first established through the unrelenting and determined search by, what some may call, superficial (and toxic monogamous) Love Islanders’ for their ‘she’s my type on paper’ partner. That phrase, once humorous, became an eye roll-worthy meme that left audiences frustrated at the lack of diversity in the show’s casting and dating interests.
It is important to recognise that often physical ‘types’ are ones dictated by beauty ideals of the time—take the end of the BBL era and the emergence of the low rise jeans trend that have left many concerned about the return of the 00s’ toxic body culture. These mainstream ‘types’ cannot escape the racist ideals of society which help define them. Historically, beauty standards have often appeared largely determined by the rejection of women of colour to uphold white supremacist aesthetics as well as periods of co-option and appropriation.
“One of the biggest battles younger generations are facing is comparing themselves to others that they see on social media in regards to dating, relationships, body image and sex… Since [they] have grown up with the internet and social media, it has become a huge part of their lives and therefore a huge influence,” Erin Tillman, a dating expert known as ‘The Dating Advice Girl’, told SCREENSHOT in 2021.
But now, according to Badoo—a social media platform which primarily focuses on dating—2022 could be the year where this all changes; where people throw away their typical ‘types’ and meet someone different. Becoming more open, free and expressive. Often we are boxed in by societal expectations of the dating scene but with gen Z carving a new freedom through ethical non-monogamy, solo polyamory and fluidity, in both sexuality and gender, a long overdue relationship anarchy is on the horizon.
The app conducted consumer research with OnePoll—a survey-led market research company—questioning 1,000 daters in December 2021. They collectively found that 77 per cent, over three-quarters of their sample, stated a desire to date outside of their typical ‘type’ in 2022. Badoo suggested that this may have something to do with celebrity influence. Cosmopolitan cited the example of Kardashian and Davidson as a reference to people’s changing preferences. Although, some would argue that dating the likes of Davidson, Barker and MGK (not that you’d want to, he has a terrible predatory history) is just the new trending dating ‘type’.
As mentioned, this isn’t just exclusive to physical ‘types’ but also translates into the characters of the people you usually date. Their behaviours, their likes and dislikes, and of course, their overall personality. It is by analysing the personality ‘types’ of your dating history, seeing the correlations, and identifying if you do indeed date the same kind of person that could motivate a change, according to Badoo’s global dating expert Sophie Mann.
This is how she suggests you should start your untyping journey: “Reflect on how your usual type has gone wrong in the past. If your usual type is someone who’s into partying, but you’ve not received enough quality time from them, look for someone a little more introverted or laid back.”