The swag gap relationship: Does it work when one partner is cooler than the other?
Relationships have many ‘rules’ these days—from when it’s right to post the soft launch to the number of dates until a couple is considered to be officially ‘dating.’ Not to mention the risks of Shrekking, Banksying, ghosting, black cats, performative partners, or being replaced by AI. But now we have to worry about the ‘swag gap,’ too.
It’s a tale we’ve seen in cliches and on screens for decades: the nerd with the It Girl, the sports captain with a member of the chess team, the pop princess with the gamer. While the notion of a swag gap isn’t a new trope, the title has us questioning, does this mismatched pairing only ‘work’ for on-screen romances—like Troy and Gabriella in High School Musical, Kat and Patrick in 10 Things I Hate About You, or Cady Heron and Aaron Samuels in Mean Girls—with real-life swag gaps doomed to fail? TikTok seems to think falling for someone with this chasm between you puts an expiry date on the relationship before it’s even begun.
This gap can relate to pretty much anything in the relationship, a difference in confidence, intellect, morals, wardrobe, or career. The main driver behind the breakdown of the relationship, then, is brought on by jealousy, with the less ‘cool’ one in the scenario bearing a grudge that they just can’t shake. TikTokers even claim the ‘swag gap’ extends from dating to friendships, with one user saying the partner or mate with less swag will “end up being psycho trying to become you.”
@emmalee.mora ♬ original sound - mira
What is a ‘swag gap’ relationship?
So, what actually is a swag gap relationship? If you’ve ever worried about what outfit your partner is going to turn up in for a date, then you’re in a swag gap relationship. If you’ve ever worried they might tell a lame joke to your mates, that’s the swag gap, too.
User @itsalmondmilkhunni says “never again” to a swag gap relationship. Never again will she “show up somewhere in public looking swagged out, looking fly, and my partner looks an effing mess behind me.” But it’s not just clothes, she points out that it’s an aura and an energy, too. While it does sound shallow, she calls it a “boundary” of hers, and adds that if you enter into a swag gap relationship, at some point, it’s going to affect your own swag.
@itsalmondmilkhunni ♬ original sound - almondmilkhunni
This is just it, it could be as literal as clothes, but on that deeper level, the swag gap comes from who someone is inherently. Another TikTok user says it’s not just those external factors, but also a moral gap, passion gap, and the comments section agrees. One reply says that they then “get insecure that you’re smarter, kinder and more passionate, then they steal your swag.” Another user jokes that an age gap relationship doesn’t bother them, but a swag gap does.
@yigabear ♬ original sound - ♟️
@nicofarz Can’t do it
♬ original sound - Cash Cobain
Realising there is a swag gap in the first place is born from comparison, of which Gen Z is often guilty. In a recent survey, 93 per cent of Gen Z said they feel pressure to compare themselves to others online, and 89 per cent said this sizing up ultimately led them to feel unsatisfied with their own lives.
TikTokers are defending not settling for a swag gap relationship
It’s a difficult situation to navigate, and the couple has to overcome comparing themselves in order to bridge these gaps and work out in the long run. But, realistically, most people aren’t interested in meeting in the middle. One TikToker writes that “when life gets tough, I remind myself that at least I’m not stuck in a swag gap relationship.”
Another has realised that the reason all her past relationships haven’t worked out is because there was a swag gap. @isaduffyy says that her exes “were just jealous and I had more swag than them… my relationships didn’t fail, there was just a severe swag gap going on.”
@isaduffyy New favorite phrase unlocked
♬ original sound - Isabella Duffy
Can you ever close the ‘swag gap’ in a relationship?
While you shouldn’t settle, and the swag gap might be reason enough to end a relationship, you’ve to ask, is it really that deep? As Josiah Gogarty writes in GQ: “To lay down the swag gap as something to always be avoided fundamentally misunderstands how human relationships work, and is symptomatic of the very rough state of modern dating.”
Because truly, opposites can attract. Dating someone who has interests, education and work experiences, or friends, outside of your own can open you up to a whole new world. Sometimes the gilet-wearing finance bro needs to date the incense-burning yogi—because balance. The type A overachiever needs their chill counterpart. The creative, always-online social media honey needs a partner who hasn’t posted on Instagram since 2014.
So, in somewhat defence of the swag gap, don’t let it define your dating habits to the extent you rule someone out just because of the college they went to or the brand of trainers they wear.
