If, like me, you grew up watching MTV every afternoon after school, then you’ll probably agree that music videos mean a lot to you—or at least, they used to. Nowadays, we tend to care more about an artist’s Instagram profile than their actual music videos, which have sadly become so banal. But it should be said that from Marylin Manson’s terrifying aesthetic to Madonna’s (at the time) outrageous BDSM-inspired video for ‘Justify My Love’, there certainly was a lot to be amazed by.
What really fascinated me the most were sexy music videos. I felt like I was watching something forbidden, yet I dreamt of dancing under the rain and rolling around in some mud like Shakira in ‘Whenever, Wherever’. To celebrate my love of sexiness, here are the sexiest music videos ever according to my 12-year-old self.
This piece had to begin with this music video—I simply had no other option but to mention what remains one of the most shocking pop culture moments in my life. Released first in Russia in 2000 by the music duo t.A.T.u., the English version of the song was then released by Universal Studios as the lead single from their album in Europe in 2002.
Both the song and the music video tell the story of two girls developing feelings for each other. Because it depicted themes of underage lesbianism, ‘All the Things She Said’ caused considerable controversy in several countries.
Several organisations protested against the video and tried to ban it, while some music stations removed the scenes featuring the girls kissing. As it later turned out, the concept behind the story came from Elena Kiper, one of the songwriters who worked on the track, who had a dream of lesbianism at a dentist appointment. Thank you morphine for that!
Even in 1990, Madonna was already one of the biggest trendsetters there is. Before current artists such as Cardi B or Nicki Minaj made sexy videos mainstream, Madonna was one of the few female artists who dared to release music videos like ‘Justify My Love’. The video touches upon themes of BDSM and sadomasochism and I’ve never been able to forget about it.
I mean, do I even need to say anything about this music video? Released in 2005, the video depicts full-frontal nudity and a whole lot of boobs. Bit much in my honest opinion, but the sexiness (or pure provocation) cannot be denied.
Although now that I’ve watched it again, the video seems borderline ridiculous, it truly used to shake me when I was a teenager. At the time, I didn’t have the weird hatred for Mariah Carey that I now have—I blame it on the annual torture of ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’.
Remember that girl covered in gold paint dancing in only her bikini in front of what I assume is Milow singing and playing his guitar while he eyes her up. In come more bikini-clad girls mid-song and Milow looks like he’s literally melting. On a side note, as hot as the golden girl was, even as a teenager, I couldn’t help but notice the spot in the middle of her forehead. No shaming though.
What a tune! As notorious as Spears is for her unapologetic hotness, ‘Toxic’ remains her sexiest music video. From the amazingly tiny air hostess outfit she wears at first and the make-out session with a dude in the loo to her almost transparent bedazzled catsuit and riding on the back of a motorcycle gripping a half-naked man’s torso, it’s an understatement to say that this video was sexy. It was too hot to handle!
Everyone says that Shakira looks like she doesn’t age, well neither do her videos apparently. If you’re too young to actually remember how massive this song was, think of it as the ‘Despacito’ of millennials. The music video starts with a shot of Shakira, the one and only, underwater in the coolest leather outfit.
As the beat fastens, she gets projected out of the ocean like a female-style Jesus Christ and starts dancing and singing surrounded by the natural elements. A leather-clad Shakira mixed with her belly dancing skills can’t be anything but sexy!
This music video is giving me the same vibes as the previous one: dirty, but this time, with an extra layer of grease added on top. Honestly, watching it again barely makes me feel anything other than nostalgia but back then, boy oh boy was I into this freakish, circus, car race aesthetic.
The list could go on and on—from Nelly Furtado and the Pussycat Dolls to Gwen Stefani and Missy Elliott, these are the artists that made me the woman that I am now, or should I say, the horny teenager that I was back then. I’ll leave you with this statement, followed by a life-changing question: when I die, I want ‘All the Things She Said’ played at my funeral. Which sexy song would you like to be played at your funeral?
