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This Threeway Day, let’s just admit it: we all fantasise about having a threesome

By Alma Fabiani

Mar 3, 2021

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Today, 3 March, marks what is known as Threeway Day—an opportunity to, you guessed it, celebrate threesome experiences for some, or at least consider having one for others. And what better way to do so than by getting started on the dating app Feeld, which was originally created as a threesome dating app and recently launched a feature created to connect people looking to experiment?

According to founder and host of the Sex and Psychology blog and podcast, Doctor Justin Lehmiller, who previously wrote a fascinating introductory guide to threesomes for Feeld, participating in one is actually one of the most popular sexual fantasies. And let’s be honest here, we’ve all thought about it at one time or another.

This Threeway Day, let’s just admit it: we all fantasise about having a threesome

This fact is also backed up by Feeld’s recent findings: after looking at its users’ #1 desire, the dating app reported threeways being the desire most mentioned. To be more precise, 37 per cent of singles on the app said they were looking to experience a threeway, while 59 per cent of couples stated the same.

On top of that, while many might expect threesomes to be some douchey frat boy’s ultimate fantasy—which it probably is—Feeld also reported that in 2020, 40 per cent of women on its app were interested in having one, while 38 per cent of men did so too.

Yet, when it comes to finding someone who previously experienced a threesome, things suddenly get much harder. For reasons that are somewhat understandable, many still associate threeways as a fantasy interlinked with misogyny and backwards-thinkers. If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, take any 90s romantic comedy featuring a (usually borderline sexual predator) jock and they’ll most definitely have a short line where they mention their threesome fantasy involving two girls, but not with another guy, because ‘that shit’s gay man’. You get the picture.

This Threeway Day, let’s just admit it: we all fantasise about having a threesome

But it’s 2021 now, and it’s about time we accept the fact that threeways are not a fantasy limited to sexist men—and it’s time for us to bridge the gap between fantasy and reality. How, you ask? That’s where Feeld comes in. Focusing on the virtual possibilities to act on the desires showcased by its members, the app’s new virtual location feature ‘Remote Trios’ is dedicated to enabling couples and singles to connect and play together remotely as a way to realise their threesome fantasy.

Feeld’s feature offers to connect users with like-minded members—and boy did the dating app see a lot of those! Last year, couple sign-ups and pairing profiles increased by a fifth and currently make up one-third of all Feeld members. The ‘Remote Trios’ feature is part of the company’s continuing attempt to enable intimate exploration, even during a global pandemic.

“Even if it’s not your favourite fantasy, it’s something that most people appear to have thought about before, with 95 per cent of men and 87 per cent of women saying they’ve had a threeway fantasy at some point,” explained Doctor Lehmiller. “A virtual threesome is a way to test the waters, have a novel and exciting experience, and practice communication, while also staying safe during a global pandemic. Most people don’t have any experience with multi-partner dynamics, so having some practice can help you figure out whether a real-life threesome might be right for you.”

Two of the biggest obstacles people face when it comes to turning those fantasies into reality are not having a willing partner and being too afraid about it to actually do it. Considering these barriers, Feeld’s ‘Remote Trios’ sounds like the perfect solution—one that is both safe and, you have to admit, pretty damn sexy.

This Threeway Day, let’s look at things the way they are: although the COVID-19-induced lockdowns may potentially disappear altogether on 20 June, that still seems to be in a while. Most of us have been locked up indoor, forced to be alone and chaste.

Well, this Threeway Day, let’s move on from the boring binge-watchers we’ve turned into, and let’s focus on having some (safe) fun. Chances are, you’ve already thought about experimenting with threesomes and merely needed a push. Today is the sign you’ve been looking for, the temporary solution to keep you satisfied until 20 June crawls around. Still not convinced? Check out those threesome stories from Feeld users.

This Threeway Day, let’s just admit it: we all fantasise about having a threesome


By Alma Fabiani

Mar 3, 2021

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Opinion

What does intimacy look like inside a new gen polyamorous relationship?

By Nana Baah

Nov 7, 2019

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Dating

Nov 7, 2019

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Intimacy means many different things to different people. It could mean trusting a person enough to tell them something you’ve never shared with anyone before, or finding someone whose touch doesn’t make you too nervous, or with whom you can spend an extended amount of time without having an argument. Most significantly, it means having someone you can feel completely comfortable with. Intimacy can be platonic, and it can be sexual, and it seems that more and more people want to understand what it means to them and where their boundaries begin and end. Whatever intimacy looks like for each of us, it usually takes a long time to find someone you can have that level of intimacy with. Whatever the scale is.

For people in monogamous relationships, understanding how intimacy can work in non-monogamous relationships can be challenging, especially as intimacy to date has so often been defined as being exclusively shareable between two people. Often imagining your partner being intimate with another person can leave room for jealousy, and this is certainly not just something that affects monogamous couples. It leads many of us new gen consumers, thinkers, and doers to wonder how is it possible to have the same level of intimacy with multiple partners without the associated feelings of guilt, jealousy and sometimes betrayal.

There are many ways to explore intimacy outside monogamy but we live in a digital age so it doesn’t come as a surprise that it is apps that help new gen individuals navigate these waters. While looking for the right way to start exploring new aspects of intimacy, you might end up on Feeld, the dating app offering a space for couples and singles to meet like-minded people. Before entering a polyamorous relationship, most people’s preconception is that it is founded on a strong emotional connection with just one person, and perhaps on a less meaningful one with other partners but that is in no way the blueprint. The idea that it is best to only love one person and keep any other relationship trivial dominates many people’s dating lives when, in fact, it could often be linked with the reasons some relationships fall apart. In a sense, admitting to having more than one significant other can sound more acceptable than hiding it from a society that sees monogamy as the only option.

Image by Isabella Dias

I asked a Feeld member who is currently in an open relationship with his partner of eight years and used Feeld in the past whether intimacy was an important part of the conversation before opening up their relationship. “It’s not that there isn’t enough intimacy in our relationship,” he says. “I just like hanging out with other people and being close to other people and being able to touch them.” Many other non-monogamous couples share the sentiment that communicating openly, like this user and his partner did, is what makes their relationships work.

Despite knowing what comes with polyamory, some couples still get the occasional pang of jealousy, but how do they get past it? In many cases, it’s often down to learning from the mistakes we make while in a monogamous relationship. Open communication and verbalising our desires rather than hiding behind how we’re meant to act or be like in a relationship is a crucial step, and one that Feeld is trying to create through the app, community and conversations it is cultivating.

In the same way that every monogamous relationship you have over the years is different but still meaningful and strong—as it varies from each person you date—people who chose to be in polyamorous relationships are able to have many connections simultaneously. For most non-monogamous couples, the hope is that conversations around intimacy will start to open up and include them, rather than scrutinise their ability to form intimate relationships with more than one person.

It’s time to accept intimacy in all of its forms. Intimacy is a personal thing, and so it will continue to look different in every relationship. After all, who are we to say there is one right way to have a relationship.

What does intimacy look like inside a new gen polyamorous relationship?


By Nana Baah

Nov 7, 2019

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