Get off and get stuffed: your vibrator can now track your food delivery
Has your lockdown period been synonymous with sex toys and takeouts? If so, we take great pleasure in introducing Grubuzz—a new technology that milks the power of teledildonics to send clitoris vibrations to users as their food ordered from a national chain or local favourite is being prepared and ultimately delivered.
Pioneered by the good folks over at CamSoda, the vibrator is built to track and give real-time updates on the status of your delivery via—you guessed it—frequency of vibrations. As the restaurant prepares your food, the toy would emanate slow, well-spaced pulsing which intensifies as your order gets picked up and delivered to your doorstep.
“People have been stuck at home for over a year now,” said Daryn Parker, Vice President of CamSoda in a press release. “They have grown accustomed to ordering takeout food from their favourite restaurants regularly.” In addition to the boom of quarantine cravings and food deliveries, Parker outlines a spike in demand for teledildonics. So they invested in the inevitable.
“Here at CamSoda we figured we’d combine these popular activities and produce a technology that gets people off while their food delivery order is being prepared and ultimately delivered,” Parker explained, summing up Grubuzz’s purpose as an innovation which will “not only leave your mouth watering but your private parts too.” “What better way to eat some of your favourite food from Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Outback Steakhouse, or P.F. Chang’s than after you’ve orgasmed?”
If you live in the UK and can’t relate with his list of mouthwatering restaurants, imagine literally getting off after a long day of ‘WFH’ while waiting for your Nando’s, KFC, Greggs, or Domino’s. Sounds pretty dreamy, right?
How does it work exactly?
Upon purchase, users will obtain a curated email address from CamSoda which they will then plug into their favourite delivery apps including GrubHub, Uber Eats, Caviar, DoorDash and Postmates. When an email is sent from these delivery apps updating the users on the status of their order, it will be forwarded to the CamSoda-generated email.
This will simultaneously set off a vibration to their internet-connected teledildonic device. The frequency of these vibrations will later increase throughout the food delivery process up until it reaches the user’s doorstep.
The innovation behind Grubuzz follows previous launches by the adult entertainment company within the food delivery industry. In 2018, CamSoda launched RubGrub, a vibrator that ordered food for users after they’ve had an orgasm—starting with a large cheese pizza from Domino’s.
RubGrub was made possible with an internet-programmed Bluetooth button (similar to the Amazon Dash Button) designed to fit onto a Lovense Nora vibrator. The button had payment, delivery and order information programmed into it at the time of purchase and connected to Domino’s through its pizza-ordering Application Programming Interface (API). When a user was done ‘using’ the vibrator, they pushed the button, which placed a delivery order for a large cheese pizza.
How safe is Grubuzz?
Given the nightmarish history of teledildonics, Grubuzzs’ safety is under fire. Earlier this year, we had men accidentally caging themselves in chastity belts—a move which left them scarred following months of recovery. Then came hacked livestream footages from a dildo, Bluetooth-enabled butt plugs and more.
While Grubuzz is a highly appealing innovation given its present context, it is in fact exploitable to hackers. The way hacking of these internet-connected sex toys usually pans out is via weak end-to-end APIs. The fault essentially welcomes encryption, giving absolutely anyone on the internet access to your sex toy. Sensitive information provided in-app or during purchase also becomes vulnerable as hackers engage in practices like ‘sextortion’ to leverage the data collected. The only way out is to avoid storing personal information on these apps along with regular cross-checking of API faults discovered by third-party testing firms.
However, if you truly want to experience ‘getting off in anticipation of getting stuffed later’, then CamSoda has good news for you: a male version will debut in the coming months. Welcoming everyone onto the boat, the adult entertainment company might just be pioneering another fictional scenario—replying ‘me too’ to the pizza delivery dude when he texts ‘I’m almost there’.
