Dirty talk is that thing we all want to be able to do in the right way but are scared of trying in case we end up sounding a little bit ridiculous. Don’t worry, I completely get it. While I am an avid believer in the ‘do what you want’ mentality without stopping from fear of rejection, if they’re into you, wonderful, you can test and trial talking dirty to your heart’s content. And if they’re not? Well, they’re just not worth the time my dear, as much as you’d like to convince yourself otherwise. Whether you’re curious, looking for improvement or anxious for a pep talk, I’ve got you covered. Here’s everything you need to know about dirty talk.
First, don’t fret over the exact words to say to your partner. I can guarantee that more often than not, what you thought you’d wanted to say and how you wanted to say it will be portrayed in an entirely different manner. Relax, babes. Dirty talking is not a science, there is no right or wrong and I’m telling you right now that the touch-free buildup before the bedroom is worth trying out. Ease yourself into it, don’t go full-blown ‘get in my pants’ without a little testing of waters. You also don’t have to start with face-to-face conversation, start with sending a little ‘spicier than usual’ text.
Release the pressure on making the whole ordeal ‘creative’, dirty talk should be seen as the saucier extension of how you already talk. The things you say should feel natural and flow through the moments, there’s nothing like the pang of overthinking to kill the mood.
Dirty talk is all about sensualising the idea of sex. It doesn’t have to be a sex story either, you don’t need to give your partner raunchy details. It can honestly be as simple as running a finger down their torso, looking up and telling them in the eye that you love the feel of their skin. I’ll repeat: it’s all about sensualising the idea of sex.
Okay, this is an interesting one. First of all, don’t tell me you’ve never tried to turn your voice down an octave or practiced your half open half shut lingerie model eyes in the mirror—if you really haven’t, I suggest you do, it’s hilarious. Maybe that’s just me. But either way, all I’m saying is that you don’t want to go grinch on them, keep it to ‘an extension of you’, alright? Maybe keep your dirty talk in a whisper to start, slide up behind them and nibble (gently) on their ear while breathing out, and whisper something like ‘hi’, then walk away. Simple.
To raise sexual tension doesn’t mean you have to fulfil a 90s pornographic persona. You don’t need to mention the words ‘cock’ or ‘pussy’ at all in fact. But you do you, context is key. Although this article is about pre-sex action, I’m not going to ignore the talk during sex conversations, because I’m telling you to communicate the whole way through. It’s hot. It’s reassuring. Tell them how good it feels when they do ‘that thing’. But back to raising the tension, if you’re turned on (at any given moment, especially in a public place) tell them. Keep it chill, casual, pass the comment ‘I’m kind of horny right now’ like it’s salt and pepper.
I understand that not everybody is assertive or dominant in the bedroom, but if you like how something feels, just tell them, you don’t have to use words, a moan could also be considered as a ‘keep doing that’ instruction—and if you’re not actually having sex yet but want to cut to the chase and do it, tell them ‘meet me in that [place] in five.’ If on the other hand, you are a little on the dominant side (or want to be) don’t be afraid to demand their attention towards whatever area of your body to please.
This is as fun as it sounds. Role play or sex games might be just the trick to get you talking dirty, get yourself online shopping for costumes and get into character. This can really push the boundaries, try things you would be afraid to do otherwise, not to mention you’ll be either discovering or fulfilling your sexual fantasies, while relieving the pressure to ‘take the talking seriously’ simultaneously. Try it out, what have you really got to lose? After all, it’s the character talking… not you. Whatever the outcome, rest assured, you’ll know your partner much better after.
Last but by no means least, being aware of who you’re chirpsing is surprisingly one of the most forgotten points to consider when you’re talking all sexy. What worked with one partner, may not work with another. Imagine talking dirty as climbing up a totem pole inch by inch, you can’t speed up a pole, but I promise, you can slide down at momentous speeds. So don’t launch yourself into dirty talk thinking of only your kinks, first, figure out who you’re talking to.
Sexual fantasies aren’t always ‘politically correct’, keep in mind that some words are horrendously offensive in day-to-day life but really hot in bed, for example, nobody wants to be called a ‘dirty little slut’ in any normal situation. Read the room, but on another note for those of you who might still be anxious to try talking dirty right away—why not start off with someone else doing the talking? I’m serious, pull a sex story up on your phone infront of your partner and just pretend you ‘stumbled upon it’, then start reading out loud. You may both awkwardly laugh, but you’ll both definitely be imagining sex, which is precisely the point.
Trying out new sex positions is pretty much the most exciting thing someone can do, so I thought, why not mix business with pleasure and make it one of your many New Year’s resolutions? If you’re up for this challenge, here are 21 sex positions you need to try in 2021.
If you’re the one with a vulva, lay on your back on top of a comfy pillow—not too fluffy, not too flat—and make sure to place it just under your hips. Then, the person with a penis (or a dildo) needs to get between your legs and penetrate them from ‘above’. Both bodies should be parallel to each other. I know it sounds a bit intimidating when I need to use the word ‘parallel’ but just try it, it will make sense then.
The partner with the penis (again, or dildo) needs to lie down on their back (on the floor, the bed, wherever really) while the person with the vulva straddles them facing the other way. Once that’s done, get bouncing!
It’s all about stimulating the clitoris baby, and who doesn’t like that? Have your partner with the penis or dildo lay down flat on their back with one leg stretched out and one leg bent at the knee. Then, facing away from them, slide yourself down onto them so you’re penetrated from the back, while being able to use their leg to stimulate your clit.
Have the partner with the penis or dildo sit with their legs crossed then lower yourself into their lap and onto them, while wrapping your legs and arms around their body. Then rock away!
Lying down, facing each other, but head to foot, each partner pulls themselves close so you can give them oral while they orally stimulate you. Bon appétit!
For this one, you’ll need one person with a dildo or penis, and two people with vulvas. First, the two people with the vulvas need to get into basic missionary, while the person with the penis or dildo gets on their knees and penetrates both people with vulvas (one at a time obviously).
Have both you and your partner get into the crab walk position. Once that’s done, the person with the vulva then lowers themselves onto their partner’s penis or dildo. The vulva owner can either lift their hips up or down or gyrate—whatever feels best.
Reverse cowgirl is fun but sometimes classic works too! When the penis or dildo owner is on their back, the partner with the vulva needs to straddle them, then lowers themselves onto their partner while facing them. You can do this while in a sitting position or lying flat against each other.
Both partners should be on their sides facing the same way. The partner with the penis or dildo penetrates the partner with the vulva from this angle. From here, the clitoris can easily be stimulated by either partner!
Still hungover from the New Year’s celebrations? Why not try the sofa straddle? The partner with the penis or dildo sits on the sofa, while the person with the vulva gets on top.
Draw your vulva,
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This one is pretty simple: sit in front of your partner and masturbate at the same time as them.
It’s up to you and your partner to decide who is going to be receiving and who’s going to be giving. Once that is settled, the receiver needs to sit down and spread their legs while their partner gives them oral.
While the person with the vulva is in the doggy style position (so on their hands and knees, as their partner penetrates from behind), the partner positioned behind also reaches around to stimulate the clitoris.
While the person with the vulva lays on their back, they lift their legs up and cross them at the ankles or knees, making them look like an X shape. With their legs up, their partner with the penis or dildo, while standing up, penetrates them using the legs of their partner as leverage to pull themselves in deeper.
Start in a missionary position, then the person with the vulva rolls their hips back so that their legs go up in the air. From here, the partner with the penis or dildo penetrates them, while the vulva owner rests their legs on their partner’s shoulders.
Both partners should be standing and facing each other (or away from each other). The person with the vulva then spreads their legs while the other penetrates them. Depending on the height difference, this will involve some adjusting and readjusting of the standing positions.
Have the partner with the penis lie on their side, with the receiving partner lying perpendicular toward them, making a T shape meeting at your pelvis. From there, the penetrating partner can enter the receiving partner. This position lets you both recline and really relax while getting it on from a new angle.
While the receiving partner lies on their back with their legs bent and feet on the bed, lifting their hips, the penetrating partner can approach the receiving partner’s legs on their knees. This position will allow you to hit deeper angles while maintaining eye contact.
Experiment with food! Use whipped cream or chocolate sauce and learn exactly where your partner likes to be touched.
It’s 2021 baby, which means it’s about time you start experimenting with toys (if you haven’t already). Show your partner exactly how you like to be touched, where, and for how long, then let them take the reins.
Using rope, ribbon, or anything else that you can find, take turns experimenting with bondage. Tie your partner’s hands together or to the headboard, or bring in a blindfold for some extra sensory fun. Always remember to take it slow and consider having a safe word if someone is not feeling comfortable.
Have fun, and happy new year!