Dating

Rate My Date: The one where she made me bleed

By SCREENSHOT

Mar 2, 2023

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Name: Mason
Pronouns: He/him
Age: 23
Occupation: Journalist and nerd
Dating history: Erratic
Looking for: Stability 🥹

I recently matched with a girl who coincidentally happened to be a flatmate of a friend I had made while living in Brighton. Things kicked off, and I planned a trip with my friends to visit our friend, who I’ll call Ella, and the girl I’d been chatting to, who I’ll call Anna. Little did I know I’d come away from this date bloody and bruised.

So, the trip to Brighton goes underway and Anna and I hit it off. There’s chemistry, sparks, embarrassed chuckles and romantic glances. I’m feeling good about it. Night time comes and we’re all still up enjoying the cold Brighton air, warmed up by cigarettes, zoots, beer and brews.

The vibe between Anna and I is definitely romantic by this point. I’ve been with her all night, hands are held, she’s wearing my jacket—you know, all the sappy stuff. It’s time to decide on sleeping arrangements. Not enough space means I have no choice but to bunk with Anna, a once exciting prospect. Everyone skulks off to bed and me and Anna cuddle up on her creaky, single university mattress. Things start to heat up a little bit.

She kisses my neck, cool. She bites it, cool with that too, then she bites it really hard. Not so cool. I put up with it, maybe it was an accident. She continues to bite me way too hard—it wasn’t an accident. I’m putting up with it but we’re in painful territory now. This is far from sexy. I have literal bite marks on my chest and neck and is that blood? Oh my god, she’s drawn blood!

I told her to stop, practically tearing her teeth from my flesh. I gave subtle directions and as many hints as I could to ease up on the gnawing but they didn’t seem to get through. I’m embarrassed to say I put up with more of her insatiable biting despite trying to explain to her what she was doing was really only just painful.

We left the next day but I was still so confused about what had just happened. Maybe she was just a really bad vampire? Everything pre-biting had been so great, our personalities had meshed really well. I’ve heard from her a few times since but I’m not sure if we’re suited enough in the romance area. Was I too quick to judge?

Got a date of your own you’d like some advice on? Submit your first date story by filling out this form below and we’ll help you solve all your romantic receipts.

Dating

Rate My Date: The one with the Toblerone

By SCREENSHOT

Feb 23, 2023

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Name: Serena 
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 23
Occupation: Digital marketing
Dating history: Lacklustre
Looking for: Someone more mentally stable than me

We met on Hinge (predictable gen Zer, I know). We’d been chatting for around three weeks. One night, he asked if he could come round to my uni house so that we could watch a film together. Anyways, he diligently bought me a bag full of my favourite chocolate and sweets, and after a rather awkward living room cup of tea, we made it upstairs.

Sitting down on my bed, I began to start scrolling through Netflix, searching for something fun but not overtly suggestive. P.S. I Love You, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, you get the gist.

Then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, he started stroking my hair—mind you, at this point we hadn’t as much as held hands—and I was totally taken off guard. Then, as I’m calling out potential films, he goes “I’ve never heard of Les Mis, what’s that?” Never heard of Les Mis?! I’m not looking for Lin Manuel-Miranda, but c’mon.

Then, a flick catches his darting eye: Over the Hedge. Yes, the 2006 animated adventure film about a bunch of forest animals who play pranks on humans while scavenging food for a revengeful bear named Vincent…

I try to swallow my pride and give him the benefit of the doubt—maybe he’s just really into animated films? We watch the film, fall asleep, and by the time morning has come I’ve pretty much decided in my slumber that I have zero interest in this man. Oh, and by the way, he continued to stroke my hair the entire night despite my many attempts to move his hand.

And then, this man has the absolute nerve to leave my home before I’ve awoken—creeping down the crickety stairs like a bloody bandit—and take back the chocolate and sweets he brought for me the night before.

Why bring me a Toblerone, packet of strawbs and Diet Coke if less than 24 hours later you’re gonna pinch them back and piss off? He was definitely attractive and there was an inkling of a spark, but to be honest I’m not sure if I can get over chocolate-gate. What do you think?

Got a date of your own you’d like some advice on? Submit your first date story by filling out this form below and we’ll help you solve all your romantic receipts.