We’ve all thought about it once in our life—either on our desks back in eighth grade or halfway through a Jurassic Park filmathon…or on the first chapter of Taken by the T-Rex.
‘How did they do it?’, ‘didn’t their tails get in the way?’, ‘what about all those spikes on their back?’, ‘won’t the female end up castrating the male with all these complications?’. There has always been a smothered buzz surrounding the question of how dinosaurs had sex due to the lack of scientific evidence. All things considered, they should have had a fair amount of sex given the fact that they thrived a whopping 165 million years on earth.
Since dinosaurs aren’t exactly in the position to ‘kiss and tell’, we expected paleontologists to fill us in. However, until now, they claimed to know very little about the topic since soft tissues rarely appear in fossils. We were once again left with Pornhub’s rendition of ‘dino sex’—until the 3D reconstruction of a Psittacosaurus happened.
Unearthed at a fossil site in northwestern China, the Psittacosaurus fossil is said to be a “rare gift” with its surprisingly intact orifice, skin and pigmentation. But paleontologists weren’t able to make much of it due to its flattening during fossilisation.
It was then that a team of scientists led by the University of Bristol undertook the three-dimensional reconstruction of the fossil. The study, published in the journal Current Biology, declares the presence of a ‘cloaca’ in dinosaurs. The cloaca is a multi-purpose opening on the body of many animals including crocodiles and birds. It is a cavity between their legs that allows them to pee, poop, have sex and lay eggs, all-in-one. This is probably why ScienceAlert describes it as the “Swiss Army knife of buttholes.”
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This finding also means that their sex organs were tucked inside the cloacal cavity. “You wouldn’t be able to see anything hanging low, or wobbling to and fro…,” writes Brian Switek in his book My Beloved Brontosaurus, putting an end to all careers in the dinosaur erotica industry. Both the male and female’s sex organs featured nothing but a slit under their tail from the outside—until turned on. “The slit is usually a vertical split, sometimes it’s a smiley face, sometimes it’s a sour face. This thing has a V-shaped structure with a pair of nice flaring lips…,” says Jakob Vinther, a paleontologist and senior lecturer at the University of Bristol’s School of Earth Sciences.
Most birds, termed “living dinosaurs” due to their descent, mate by rubbing their cloacas together for a few seconds. This brief ‘cloacal kiss’ is just enough time to transfer semen from the male to the female. Some paleontologists think dinosaurs may have mated like this. But Vinther believes this is not the case with the Psittacosaurus. He equates the cloacal flaps of the Psittacosaurus with that of a crocodile and suspects that they might have had a penis that emerged from the cloaca only while mating. The evidence to prove this, however, was not preserved in the fossil.
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The study further reports the presence of two small bulges in proximity to the cloaca which might have had musky scent glands. This, coupled with the fact that the cloaca was found highly pigmented with melanin suggests courtship among dinosaurs. The presence of such sexual beacons to attract mates are seen in baboons and breeding salamanders. “Knowing that at least some dinosaurs were signalling to each other gives paleoartists exciting freedom to speculate on a whole variety of now plausible interactions during dinosaur courtship. It is a game changer,” the team comments after the breakthrough.
The original fossil of the Psittacosaurus currently sits in a display case at the Senckenberg Natural History Museum in Frankfurt, Germany. And until we dig up more dirt in hopes of finding them caught in the act itself, let’s wonder who called it ‘extinction’ and not ‘XXX-tinction.’
Trying out new sex positions is pretty much the most exciting thing someone can do, so I thought, why not mix business with pleasure and make it one of your many New Year’s resolutions? If you’re up for this challenge, here are 21 sex positions you need to try in 2021.
If you’re the one with a vulva, lay on your back on top of a comfy pillow—not too fluffy, not too flat—and make sure to place it just under your hips. Then, the person with a penis (or a dildo) needs to get between your legs and penetrate them from ‘above’. Both bodies should be parallel to each other. I know it sounds a bit intimidating when I need to use the word ‘parallel’ but just try it, it will make sense then.
The partner with the penis (again, or dildo) needs to lie down on their back (on the floor, the bed, wherever really) while the person with the vulva straddles them facing the other way. Once that’s done, get bouncing!
It’s all about stimulating the clitoris baby, and who doesn’t like that? Have your partner with the penis or dildo lay down flat on their back with one leg stretched out and one leg bent at the knee. Then, facing away from them, slide yourself down onto them so you’re penetrated from the back, while being able to use their leg to stimulate your clit.
Have the partner with the penis or dildo sit with their legs crossed then lower yourself into their lap and onto them, while wrapping your legs and arms around their body. Then rock away!
Lying down, facing each other, but head to foot, each partner pulls themselves close so you can give them oral while they orally stimulate you. Bon appétit!
For this one, you’ll need one person with a dildo or penis, and two people with vulvas. First, the two people with the vulvas need to get into basic missionary, while the person with the penis or dildo gets on their knees and penetrates both people with vulvas (one at a time obviously).
Have both you and your partner get into the crab walk position. Once that’s done, the person with the vulva then lowers themselves onto their partner’s penis or dildo. The vulva owner can either lift their hips up or down or gyrate—whatever feels best.
Reverse cowgirl is fun but sometimes classic works too! When the penis or dildo owner is on their back, the partner with the vulva needs to straddle them, then lowers themselves onto their partner while facing them. You can do this while in a sitting position or lying flat against each other.
Both partners should be on their sides facing the same way. The partner with the penis or dildo penetrates the partner with the vulva from this angle. From here, the clitoris can easily be stimulated by either partner!
Still hungover from the New Year’s celebrations? Why not try the sofa straddle? The partner with the penis or dildo sits on the sofa, while the person with the vulva gets on top.
This one is pretty simple: sit in front of your partner and masturbate at the same time as them.
It’s up to you and your partner to decide who is going to be receiving and who’s going to be giving. Once that is settled, the receiver needs to sit down and spread their legs while their partner gives them oral.
While the person with the vulva is in the doggy style position (so on their hands and knees, as their partner penetrates from behind), the partner positioned behind also reaches around to stimulate the clitoris.
While the person with the vulva lays on their back, they lift their legs up and cross them at the ankles or knees, making them look like an X shape. With their legs up, their partner with the penis or dildo, while standing up, penetrates them using the legs of their partner as leverage to pull themselves in deeper.
Start in a missionary position, then the person with the vulva rolls their hips back so that their legs go up in the air. From here, the partner with the penis or dildo penetrates them, while the vulva owner rests their legs on their partner’s shoulders.
Both partners should be standing and facing each other (or away from each other). The person with the vulva then spreads their legs while the other penetrates them. Depending on the height difference, this will involve some adjusting and readjusting of the standing positions.
Have the partner with the penis lie on their side, with the receiving partner lying perpendicular toward them, making a T shape meeting at your pelvis. From there, the penetrating partner can enter the receiving partner. This position lets you both recline and really relax while getting it on from a new angle.
While the receiving partner lies on their back with their legs bent and feet on the bed, lifting their hips, the penetrating partner can approach the receiving partner’s legs on their knees. This position will allow you to hit deeper angles while maintaining eye contact.
Experiment with food! Use whipped cream or chocolate sauce and learn exactly where your partner likes to be touched.
It’s 2021 baby, which means it’s about time you start experimenting with toys (if you haven’t already). Show your partner exactly how you like to be touched, where, and for how long, then let them take the reins.
Using rope, ribbon, or anything else that you can find, take turns experimenting with bondage. Tie your partner’s hands together or to the headboard, or bring in a blindfold for some extra sensory fun. Always remember to take it slow and consider having a safe word if someone is not feeling comfortable.
Have fun, and happy new year!