US Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr expressed concern on Tuesday night, 22 April 2025, over declining testosterone levels in American teenagers, linking the issue to broader health problems and the consumption of, you guessed it, ultra-processed foods.

Speaking on Jesse Watters Primetime on Fox News, in what sounded like a monologue from an unhinged GNC commercial, Kennedy claimed that much of what is marketed to children today as food is “not really food,” pointing to rising rates of chronic illness, obesity, and reproductive health concerns.

“Seventy-four per cent of our kids cannot qualify for military service,” he said. “We have fertility rates that are spiralling. A teenager today has less testosterone than a 68-year-old man. Sperm counts are down 50 per cent,” the Health Secretary stated.

Kennedy cited research from 2022 that found global sperm counts had dropped by over 50 per cent between 1973 and 2018, fueling his growing concern about male reproductive health. While some animal studies have explored links between artificial food dyes and fertility outcomes, results remain inconclusive and contested within the scientific community.

“Testosterone levels have dropped 50 per cent from historic levels,” Kennedy continued. “That is a problem, and it’s an existential problem.”

The comments came just hours after Kennedy and FDA Commissioner Marty Makary jointly announced a new federal initiative to phase out eight artificial food colourings by the end of 2026. The plan includes efforts to revoke authorisation for two synthetic dyes and to work with food companies to eliminate six others—all commonly used in products like cereal, yoghurt, and candy.

Kennedy noted that the success of the plan relies on industry cooperation. “We don’t have an agreement; we have an understanding,” he said. “Four years from now, we’re going to have most of these products off the market, or you will know about them when you go to the grocery store.”

He also compared the US to countries like Japan, where school nutrition programmes emphasise whole foods and obesity rates are significantly lower.

The initiative arrives amid broader scrutiny of the health impacts of processed foods in the US and mounting questions about whether environmental and dietary factors are contributing to long-term shifts in public health, particularly among younger generations.

Here’s a thought: maybe the reason birthrates are falling isn’t just because of what’s in the cereal, but what’s missing from the economy, like job security, affordable housing, universal healthcare, or any sense of stability?

Remember the Trump administration’s fever dream? The $5,000 ‘baby bonus’ to incentivise childbirth—a band-aid slapped on a gaping wound. While our politicians scream “have more kids,” the country continues to serve up no parental leave, unaffordable childcare, and generational economic trauma.