What is the pink tote lid moment TikTok trend that’s exposing Gen Z’s mothers’ toxic behaviour?
Viral TikTok trends tend to serve a multitude of purposes. Some help people air out their dating grievances, others encourage users to embrace their inner carnivore, and some could even send you to the hospital. The most recent trend on the video-sharing platform, however, is helping to provide space for individuals to share vulnerable stories in hopes of healing emotional trauma and abuse. Let’s unpack it together.
According to The Independent, it all started after social media user Jaycie filmed herself crying in a dark room after her mother demanded she put the “goddamn pink tote lids in my f*cking bedroom.” The video, which has since been deleted from TikTok, showed Jaycie incredibly upset, explaining to viewers that when she got out of the shower, her mum began banging on the bathroom door and screaming at her.
The comments section was understandably flooded with concern for Jaycie, with a number of netizens labelling her mother’s actions as “abusive.” Following this, a ton of new videos began cropping up, with different people using the “pink tote lids” moment to reflect upon their own turbulent and sometimes violent experiences with their mothers.
It’s safe to say that this is definitely one of the darker viral TikTok trends I’ve come across and it should be approached with sensitivity and respect.
What are ‘pink tote lid moments’?
For those participating in this trend, “pink tote lid moments” represent anything from an argument or mild disagreement to extensive emotional and physical abuse. While it has mainly been used by women to discuss their mothers’ behaviour, the trend’s greater purpose is to recognise anyone who has experienced trauma at the hands of their parents.
After a quick search on TikTok, you’re immediately confronted with dozens upon dozens of videos, a majority of which have between 500,000 and one million views each.
A number of users have also begun using Billie Eilish’s song ‘What Was I Made For’ from the Barbie movie as backing audio for the trend:
@ileanaaaperez I have so many of these moments throughout my life but this was truly the kicker 😅To anyone with narcissistic parents you are seen & hope you’re doing ok ❣️
♬ What Was I Made For? [From The Motion Picture "Barbie"] - Billie Eilish
@emilily88 ♬ What Was I Made For? [From The Motion Picture "Barbie"] - Billie Eilish
@darianreadss I have more of these I can tell and that makes me sad for little me… #pinktotelidmoment #pinktotelid #trauma
♬ What Was I Made For? [From The Motion Picture "Barbie"] - Billie Eilish
Speaking about the ‘pink tote lid moment’ trend, therapist and TikTok user Annabelle said: “One of the things that is being highlighted by the flood of sharing is that children and teens can experience significant distress from many moments in childhood—not only those that might be traumatic or abusive, but also times when they were misunderstood or there was poor communication, or their own feelings were ignored.”
“Telling our stories to others can create a sense of feeling seen, heard and validated. Sharing our experiences with others who have gone through similar things can help us feel connected and part of a whole, less alone,” the therapist continued.
@annabellemoves Have you seen the Tiktok posts about “Pink tote lid moments” ? They are stories about painful childhood moments that range from misunderstandings with parents to abuse. The video (no longer posted) that got the trend started was shared by a teen who tearfully described a conflict with her parents over moving some “pink totes”. The responses on TikTok range from an outpouring of people telling their own “pink tote” stories to parents being upset that their own behaviors are being blown out of proportion. As a therapist, I think it’s incredibly important to remember that all the moments in our lives take place in a context. We don’t know what happened before or after any of these stories that are being shared, or what the bigger picture is. That information could make a huge different in understanding more about what was going on. But one of the things that is being highlighted by the flood of sharing is that children and teens can experience significant distress from many moments in childhood – not only those that might be traumatic or abusive, but also times when they were misunderstood or there was poor communication, or their own feelings were ignored. Children and teens are not adults. They are the developing young of our species. And humans develop in relationship. This means that we build our ideas about ourselves, about others, and about the world in general within our formative relationships. So, from the relatively benign to the severely problematic, kids’ experiences with their parents matter greatly to who they are and who they can become. Thankfully, humans are capable of terrific resilience, healing and change. Telling our stories to others can create a sense of feeling seen, heard and validated. Sharing our experiences with others who have gone through similar things can help us feel connected and part of a whole, less alone. It’s also important to focus on what helped get us through – the strengths, the supports, and the strategies. Unhealed stories can keep us stuck in the past. Recognizing that we survived and noticing our resilience can help us heal and move more fully into the present and future. #therapist #somatictherapy #copingskills #healing #trauma #resilience #selfcompassion #pinklid #pinktotelid *Disclaimer: This content is not therapy or clinical advice - it is for informational purposes only.*
♬ original sound - Annabelle | Somatic Therapist
Is the ‘pink tote lid moments’ trend dangerous?
While the ‘pink tote lid moments’ trend has evidently proved a powerful tool for many to discuss and reflect upon traumatic experiences, it’s important to remember that revisiting these incidents could be incredibly distressing.
The internet is a nasty place and while many users will likely provide support and comforting words, sharing this intimate information might also attract unhelpful and potentially harmful comments and interactions.
This trend might have the ability to help some people heal but it also has the capacity to cause a lot of damage, so tread with caution.
