What does Dora, SpongeBob, Winnie the Pooh, Homer and Marge Simpson have in common? They’re all adorable little cartoon characters who have shaped our collective childhoods into the progressive adults we are today. The cartoons that the younger generations binge-watch in 2022 could never hit the legendary milestones achieved by the shows of our time—which some of us still stream to wholesomely relive our nostalgic past. But 3D artist Miguel Vasquez is here to change that, once and for all.
Vasquez, who is an expert at making hyper-realistic versions of our favourite cartoon characters, is backed with one single mission in his professional life: “to disturb people” with his “unsettling” creations. The art he births is hence nightmare fuel that you just can’t unsee.
I bet you’ve only known the yellow, three-fingered Minions who chatter rather unintelligibly in their blue overalls. But have you ever imagined the banana-loving iconic jellybeans as living and breathing humans existing among us? Well, if you’re having a hard time fostering that mental image, Vasquez has got you covered. Buckle up, fellow cartoon lovers, you’re in for one of the most terrifying rides down memory lane—one that even 50 drops of your lavender essential oil won’t help erase from your consciousness.
Let’s start things off with our favourite coral pink starfish from SpongeBob SquarePants. Voiced by Bill Fagerbakke, Patrick Star is SpongeBob and Squidward’s naive neighbour who literally lives under a rock in the underwater city of Bikini Bottom, Pacific Ocean. On the show, Patrick is a Krusty Krab part-timer and an occasional Chum Bucket worker. Here, however, he looks like an eerie mix of Jackass alumni Steve-O and Homer Simpson.
“This is the ideal male body,” Vasquez captioned his Instagram post. “You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like.” I can already feel my sleep paralysis demons plotting their next move.
Ah, if it isn’t the vintage pull-string cowboy rag doll from the Toy Story franchise! If you remember Sheriff Woody, chances are that you won’t forget him anytime soon now. In Vasquez’s version, the Disney-Pixar protagonist is depicted as a three-foot-necked human who would likely go around telling people he meets that “you’ve got a friend in me.”
This Woody would put a snake in Andy’s boots without a second thought before sending him off to college and bidding him a “so long, partner!” It also makes one wonder if the peculiar-looking actor Steve Buscemi was the 3D artist’s inspiration for the creepy art in question.
If you believe Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey is the upcoming slasher film guaranteed to ruin your childhood, you’ve clearly never set your eyes on the anthropomorphic teddy bear’s presidential campaign photoshoot. Sporting a crop top that only rivals Lola Bunny, Vasquez reincarnates Winnie as a rather textured person with human ears. Forest animal-feasting Winnie could never.
Oh d-d-dear, little “Will” William the Pinky Piglet here is what nightmares are made of. With saggy skin, beady eyes and an eerie smile, gone are the days Piglet was the acorn-obsessed rosy best friend of Winnie the Pooh. Today, the anthropomorphic character sports the Regina George-inspired ‘boob-holed’ striped jumpsuit and belongs on Reddit’s r/Eyebleach.
Ed, Edd n Eddy is probably one of the top Cartoon Network shows that have made a mark on its now-majorly-millennial audiences. The misadventures of the three pre-adolescent boys known as ‘The Eds’ triggered roaring laughter among many as the trio swindled their peers for cash to buy themselves a handful of their favourite treat: jawbreakers.
The characters almost never leave their neighbourhood and adults are never seen in the Canadian-American animated series. That being said, this is what Ed—the group’s “portable working machine” and muscle—would look like in real life. Well, at least he has a decent hairline here.
You know we can’t just leave Ed hanging without mentioning his loyal boys. It’s time to meet “Double D” Edd, the neat freak and brains of the group who is usually the mastermind behind their petty scams. But wait, Pete Davidson… is that you?
Now onto the trio’s self-appointed and, let’s say, ambitious leader. Eddy is a professional con artist with a strong determination to make it in the world, no matter how many times his ideas fail. Now, all thanks to Vasquez, Eddy’s pearly whites will never fail to haunt us in our dreams.
Fun fact: Ed, Edd n Eddy is the longest-running original Cartoon Network series to date—with a record time of ten years, ten months and four days. Legendary all the way!
Oh, and by the way, the 3D artist has also blursed us with a full-body render of the trio. Babies and theybies of the 90s, meet the Eds:
Do you hear that? They’re the internal screams of someone who never thought a one-eyed short Minion with combed hair could be the protagonist of an R-rated horror film. Props to Vasquez for the terrifying details on the banana though!
Centred around two stepbrothers, Phineas Flynn and Ferb Fletcher, their sister, Candace, and their pet platypus-turned-undercover agent, Perry, Phineas and Ferb is the American animated sitcom that dominated summer vacations worldwide. Depicted as an incurable optimist, we’ve all wondered what Phineas would look like in real life with his triangular face and sketchy haircut.
Well, if there’s someone who can put your nostalgic thoughts to rest forever, it’s Vasquez:
Okay, this may just be the artist’s least cursed creation to date—and that’s saying something.
33 years since its conception, every character from the American sitcom The Simpsons has been etched into our collective memories. And, like any other iconic series, the animated cast can be narrowed down to a few visual traits. For donut-loving Homer Jay Simpson, these characteristics include his receding hairline, flappy snout and aversion to exercise.
Vasquez’s version of Homer does a skillful job in bringing the famous Springfield citizen to life—in turn making him seem like a human who you could actually meet in real life. One can imagine this Homer saying “D’oh!” after minor mishaps and spending the night hungover at Moe’s after major inconveniences. That being said, I’m not looking forward to meeting this Homer in real life anytime soon.
Alexa, how can I delete my childhood?
I take back what I said about Homer. Here’s the entire Simpsons family for reference:
Little miss sleep paralysis demon. That’s it. That’s the description.