Have you reached that point of despair, where you just can’t kick a former (or never) lover out of your head, or heart—without sounding too cringe? We’ve been there, and it’s not fun. What exactly makes it so hard to move on? And what can you do to make it easier?
First of all, do yourself a favour and acknowledge that it’s a pretty rubbish feeling, universally. Because when love is good, it’s really good, and it feels like it’s never going to end. Because why would you invest yourself into something you know will end anyway, right? You want to go for it with all guns blazing, and you want to really love, hard. So when that love suddenly leaves, you have a hole to fill. But the thing is, you don’t—you were whole before and you’re still whole now. The illusion of a hole just needs a little attention, and all you have to do is say ‘hey there, I see you, I feel you and it’s gonna be okay’. Once you’ve acknowledged its presence it wont fight for your attention anymore.
There’s a lot of research out there on how to force yourself to fall out of love, we are not our thoughts unless we let them control us. One researcher, biological anthropologist and TED talk speaker Helen Fisher told NPR that she used a technique called ‘neurofeedback’, which measures brain waves using electroencephalography (EEG) and turns them into visual or audio tones. This essentially means that when you can see or hear what’s going on in your brain, you can effectively train the thoughts that go through it. You can spot those pesky visions that pop up of your ex, and shoo them away.
Fisher observed that by “Understanding how we fall in love on a physiological level doesn’t necessarily mean we can control it, but it does mean we may be able to influence it.”
In her research, she found that when people looked at a picture of the person they love, the hypothalamus was pumping out dopamine. Fisher explains that “at the base of the brain, where your instincts and drives are: hunger, thirst, lust” is the hypothalamus—what Fisher calls the brain’s “dopamine factory.”
“Dopamine is linked with feelings of elation, mood swings, cravings, and obsessive thinking,” she says. “These are all basic traits of romantic love. When you start to fall for someone, everything about them is special. The house they live in, the street they live on, it’s all special to you. They’re dopamine triggers.” So when you break up, little reminders of the person you loved trigger the same dopamine reaction of when you were in love, which makes it harder to move on.
Fisher’s conclusion is that by recognising the patterns your brain is habitual to means that you can force it to focus on other things. Basically, you can fill that illusion of a hole by distracting yourself. Not just by filling your social calendar or picking up a new hobby, but when you find yourself thinking about your ex, recognise it and stop yourself immediately by doing something that requires your concentration. That can be anything, even something mindless—the feeling won’t last forever. Fisher also says that “the attachment eventually reduces. Time does heal the brain.”
If you can’t imminently get enough control over your thoughts (like most of us) use the tech age to your advantage, do what Fisher tells us to do in our brains but instead do it with your external influencers. Social media babe, block the heartache. You don’t need to see what they’re doing.
Another thing to do when getting over an ex, is to remove the blinkers—don’t kid yourself. We too easily remember the good stuff, and ignore the bad, which is why we usually end up pining over a perfect match that in reality, was just not. Allow yourself to see the full picture. That charming, goodlooking, funny, sex pot must have some other sides to them too.
Remind yourself that what’s good for you, sticks with you. If it’s not sticking around, then they just aren’t the right person for you—as much as you wanted them to be, it’s okay that they’re not. Don’t fight it, that just gets in the way of welcoming other good loves. Lose some and win some.
Which brings me to the final phase of moving on, let someone else love you. Let it all begin again, breakups are inevitable, but each time they happen—think of it as the last time, then one day it will be.
There have been rumours about a link connecting cannabis with sex for several years. Many people believe the herb has aphrodisiac capabilities. During all those years, there was barely enough evidence to prove whether this hypothesis is correct.
Lately, cannabis is becoming the new popular drug and scientists are doing proper research to check all the herb’s properties. If your question persists about a possible link between cannabis and sex, the answer is yes. There is indeed a connection with sexual intercourse and the drug.
However, there is still ongoing research to know how much impact cannabis has on sexual experiences. Many existing results are often vague and vary from person to person. Nonetheless, here are five ways cannabis can add a spark to your sex life.
Erectile dysfunctions, delayed orgasms, and even a general inability to enjoy sexual intercourse is often linked to anxiety. Researchers found that stress can be the cause of such obstacles in the bedroom. Cannabis can help with this, though. However, when you go to buy weed, please remember that it’s not a cure or solution for erectile dysfunction or inability to orgasm.
Yet, if your problem stems from anxiety, cannabis can improve your chances of getting the desired satisfaction. Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) present in cannabis acts upon serotonin receptors, thus providing a feeling of euphoria.
People who have PTSD or suffer from sexual trauma could benefit significantly from using cannabis to overcome their sexual anxieties. THC can also help you concentrate on the present and generally improve your mood.
So, throughout a sexual encounter, you would not have to worry about anything else except what is going on. However, the dosage you take is essential. Thus, to get the most from your experience, it is best to get a prescription.
It is no secret that many women often find it difficult to enjoy sexual intercourse because of pain. When pain is present, it is hard to pretend it isn’t there. Therefore, shifting your attention to the evident problem can impede any form of enjoyment.
Cannabis is widely in use as a pain reliever. Patients plagued with chronic or intermittent pain associated with various health problems usually use cannabis for treatment. In the same way, it can make your sexual experience more enjoyable.
Cannabis Indica is a type of cannabis that doctors usually prescribe for pain. Lubricants that have a generous amount of cannabidiol (CBD) also help significantly. Research shows that CBD blocks the pain signals to your brain. Thus, you would not even feel it during sexual intercourse.
Typically, people who experiment with cannabis that has high THC content usually report enhanced sensitivity. Generally, physical touching like kissing, hugging, and caressing releases oxytocin. There are so many cannabinoid receptors on your skin. These receptors react with the cannabinoids from the herb and let you feel everything in ‘3D’.
If you have a problem getting aroused, you might find a saviour in cannabis. Indeed, the effects vary from person to person, but research shows that with an adequate dose, many people experience enhanced sensitivity.
Also, your perception of time will change. Thus, you will achieve more pleasure and satisfaction in prolonged sexual sessions.
A study from the journal Sexual Medicine published in July showed the results of a survey. They attempted to determine the relationship between the sexual experiences of women and cannabis.
Regular users of cannabis claimed to have a lot more sex, and their satisfaction after sex increased with fulfilling orgasms. It also revealed that women who didn’t use the herb frequently reported lower results. In men, reports show that marijuana causes prolonged erections and delayed ejaculations.
Researchers say this may not always be a good thing for men. But, with a controlled dose, you can attain your goals. Many aspects come into play to increase libido. With the presence of anandamides, the cannabinoid receptors responsible for heightening your senses will help you relax.
How exactly do you call it satisfaction if you don’t climax? Many people enjoy sexual intercourse or even partake in it for the final release. But, for some, especially women, orgasms can be considered almost mythical. Again, using cannabis does not guarantee an orgasm.
But, in multiple studies, women have more climaxes and even more intense orgasms after using cannabis. Also, women who don’t use cannabis are not likely to have orgasms as pleasurable as women who do use it.
In men, however, the outcomes are different. Some studies show that men who regularly used cannabis have delayed ejaculations. Some also didn’t have orgasms during sex. Thus, it would be best to be cautious about the dose and the regularity of use.
For years, the link between sexual experiences and cannabis has been controversial. Due to the lack of research, observations were often subjective. Now that the herb is becoming legal in many areas.
Researchers are putting a lot of effort into bringing its potential to light. Cannabis has many and ways to spark up your sex life. So if the bedroom hasn’t been one of your favourite places to be lately, you might change your mind after taking a little cannabis.