Rim jobs, anal fingering and other butt play have been hogging the spotlight, so let’s push them to the side for a hot second to discuss another gripping sexual activity: pegging. Ladies, this one’s for you.

Pegging is when a woman wears a strap-on dildo and penetrates her partner (female or male) anally, that is basically all it is. The term was coined 15 years ago by sex columnist Dan Savage. Although anyone can wear a strap on, the term pegging ‘officially’ refers to a penis-bearing person being penetrated by a vagina-bearing person, but let’s not get hung up on the fine print here, okay? Pegging is enjoyed by lesbian, trans and gender-queer couples, too. Breaking taboos can be fun, and sexy. That being said, there are differences to what each of the body differences feels when doing the dirty.

For men, it’s all about the prostate, which is a small gland that helps make semen. Located just below the bladder and in front of the rectum, it wraps around the tube that carries urine and semen out of the body. When a dildo is inserted into a man’s anus, it can reach and massage this little erogenous gland (it’s actually called the male G-spot) resulting in an eruption of, well, you can guess what happens next.

The dildo experience is a pleasurable one for many vagina havers, that is no secret. When it comes to sticking out away from the body, instead of towards as ‘per normal’, one may think this does nothing at all, however, the dildo does have a base, which will inevitably be rubbing against those sensitive bits. Another note of course is that, like with many sexual acts, your mind plays a huge role in the ability to reach a climax too. Seeing pleasure means having it too, unless you’re a selfish person, then this article probably wouldn’t apply to you anyway.

First of all, seeing as we’re telling stigmas to stick it where the sun don’t shine, let’s break one particular taboo. Does enjoying anal penetration mean a straight guy is any less so, or vice versa, a female less straight? No, is the answer. Massaging a prostate is factually pleasurable for anyone with a penis, anybody can love anal play, and it does not change your sexual orientation. Anal sex is fundamentally about pleasure, which is something to keep in mind.

Understandably though, pegging may not be everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s okay, but this is just to highlight that the act of trying things out with your partner(s) can be incredibly freeing and also confidence boosting. In this particular case (although true for any other case), communication is most definitely key to a good time. Because the one wearing the dildo strap won’t be feeling what their partner will be, it’s up to them to listen to what their partner wants in terms of pace or practice. A clear dialogue between pegger and peggee is paramount.

The tissue in the anus and rectum are much more fragile than genital tissue, they can be easily damaged, so I’d recommend a large size of trust, and possibly a smaller size of dildo to start off with. This kind of sexual act is slightly less common, but it will undoubtedly create a stronger bond between you and whoever you try it with. Now, you can’t simply stuff a pole into a hole and expect it to feel good without any warming up first, just like you wouldn’t want anything stuffed up an unexpecting vagina, am I right? Right, so start off slow, use a finger or… possibly a butt plug? To acclimate your partner to the sensations first and help their muscles relax in that area. Lube will also be your best friend.

That’s all there is to it really, keep it clean, keep the toys sanitised, talk about it, and advisably you should empty the bowels before hand—just sayin’. Good luck lovers!