What is Rebecca Syndrome? The toxic dating trend jeopardising relationships everywhere

By Fatou Ferraro Mboup

Published Jul 22, 2024 at 12:53 PM

Reading time: 2 minutes

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The latest TikTok trend isn’t a dance or a catchy lip-sync—it’s a relationship pitfall called ‘Rebecca Syndrome’. So, what is it? Let’s dive into this new phenomenon and find out why it could spell trouble for your love life.

What is Rebecca Syndrome?

Rebecca Syndrome, also known as retroactive jealousy (RJ), involves an excessive preoccupation with and jealousy over a partner’s past relationships. It’s the kind of thing that makes you wish you could retroactively install a delete button on your partner’s romantic history if you know what I mean.

According to Newsweek, the term was first coined by Dr. Darian Leader, a psychoanalyst and founding member of the Centre for Freudian Analysis and Research in London, and describes a severe form of pathological jealousy directed toward a partner’s former lover.

Inspired by Daphne du Maurier’s classic novel Rebecca, it captures the story of a woman who marries a widower and becomes obsessed with the memories of his first wife.

@psychlessons4u

Retroactive Jealousy: The Rebecca Syndrome #rebeccasyndrome #psychologyfacts #jealousgirlfriend #jealousboyfriend #jealousy #mentalhealth #psychology #relationshipstruggles #relationshipissues

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@kfmza

Raise your hand if you’ve ever ‘stalked’ someone on social media ✋👀 In the age of social media, general ‘stalking’ has reached new levels😣 From Facebook stalking your ex to checking out your current partner’s exes (also known as Rebecca Syndrome) almost everyone has done a bit of online snooping 👀👀👀 #KfmMornings #Kfm #Kfm945

♬ original sound - Kfm 94.5

Dr. Kate Balestrieri, a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist, told LADbible that individuals with RJ may feel threatened by their partner’s past romantic or sexual history, no matter how long ago it happened. Imagine being jealous of a high school prom date your partner barely remembers—that’s RJ for you.

In a 2017 study conducted by Superdrug, 1,000 people from Europe and America confessed their social media stalking habits. It turns out that over half of them admitted to checking out their exes or crushes online. Specifically, 56.5 per cent of single Americans peek at their ex’s profile at least once a month, while 65.8 per cent of married folks and 66.7 per cent of those in relationships occasionally indulge in some ex-related online snooping. Looks like those ‘suggested friends’ lists are getting a lot of extra traffic.

As explained by Dr. Balestrieri, the Rebecca Syndrome can manifest in several ways: constantly fixating on a partner’s romantic and sexual history, obsessively asking about past relationships, frequently seeking reassurance about the current relationship, and engaging in intrusive behaviours like stalking a partner’s ex. If you’re starting to feel like a detective in your own relationship, you might be dealing with RJ. It can also involve baseless suspicions and comparisons with a partner’s previous lovers.

This behaviour often stems from fears of abandonment or feelings of inadequacy due to past relational trauma. One of the biggest concerns about the Rebecca Syndrome is that it can erode trust and intimacy, potentially damaging what could have been a healthy relationship beyond repair. It’s like letting the ghosts of relationships past haunt your present—and we all know how those ghost stories end.

So, if you find yourself scrolling through your partner’s ancient social media posts or feeling irrationally competitive with their exes, it might be time to take a step back and focus on the present. After all, the past is a foreign country—one you don’t need a passport to visit.

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