After beating grandmaster and the world’s top-ranked player Magnus Carlsen during a renowned chess tournament on 5 September 2022—slashing his chances of winning the $350,000 prize money along the way—underdog Hans Niemann made headlines for strange rumours regarding his unexpected win.
Long story short, Niemann was accused of cheating during the game using AI-powered anal beads that vibrated in order to indicate which move to go for next. Wild concept, I know. But wait until you hear the latest development in this news story.
In what some may see as a genius PR move, popular adult webcam site Stripchat is now offering Niemann $1 million in exchange for a live broadcast of him playing a game of chess, in the nude—you know, to prove that he’s not a cheater, obviously.
After the scandal lit the chess world on fire, Stripchat sent Niemann a letter to allegedly congratulate him on his recent victory and extend its sympathies concerning the accusations of cheating made against the grandmaster.
“Congratulations on your victory against world No. 1 Magnus Carlsen,” the letter read. “It’s a shame you’re being ridiculed by the chess community for potentially cheating. Claims that you used wireless vibrating anal beads to gain an upper hand are ridiculous.”
Regardless of the fact that no proof against Niemann’s innocence has actually been found, the chess player has had to continually deny multiple allegations ever since they first appeared online. He even went as far as to offer to play fully naked in order to prove people wrong. Clearly, Stripchat jumped at the golden opportunity.
“I know you even offered to strip completely naked to prove to people you didn’t cheat,” the letter continued. “Well… being that Stripchat is an adult entertainment webcam platform that receives 400 million views on average each month, I wanted to extend you an offer to do just that,” it added.
“Prove the haters wrong once and for all. Strip naked and play a game of chess live on Stripchat in return for up to $1 million,” the letter concluded. Niemann has yet to accept the offer, but with previous rumours as wild as the anal beads one, never say never, right?
In the early hours of Thursday 24 February 2022, Russian President Vladmir Putin announced a “special military operation” into Ukraine. At the time, he claimed that the Russian military planned to “demilitarise and denazify” the country of about 40 million to (apparently) safeguard people subjected to bullying and genocide. What a load of crap.
Enter the ‘Vladimir Put-in’, a limited edition talking butt plug—yes, you read that right—inspired by none other than the “shit-talking” Russian President himself. Designed specifically for his rectum and his rectum only, the Vladimir Put-in consists of a non-fungible token (NFT) butt plug, currently being auctioned on the community-owned marketplace Rarible, along with a physical model made of silicone.
Launched on 4 March, the Vladimir Put-in is open for bids on Rarible until Monday 14 March 2022. The winner of the auction will not only receive the bespoke NFT but also get their hands on the 10-centimetre-long (since the man behind its inspiration is easily butthurt) 3D printed talking anal plug—delivered in five to eight weeks from the final payment. With the aim of generating funds to help people on the ground in Ukraine, the totality of the proceeds is set to be donated to WithUkraine, a humanitarian support platform set up by the Embassy of Ukraine to the UK.
But the plan of action doesn’t end there. Alongside the release of the Vladimir Put-in, the creative trio behind the initiative, Chat Shit Get Banged, is planning to send a copy of the physical toy first class to the Russian Embassy. Say what?
“The whole situation [in Ukraine] is both devastating and heartbreaking for civilians in both countries,” the team, who chose to remain anonymous due to the risk of the initiative, told SCREENSHOT. “The loss of freedom, control and life is something no nation should ever have to experience.” Tired of powerful people “chatting so much utter shit via the media,” Chat Shit Get Banged ultimately aims to flip the narrative and give power back to the people. “We started this project not to make light of the situation but instead spread a message of defiance against oppression, as well as trying to raise financial aid to those who need it,” the team added.
While vocal butt plugs of divisive political and celebrity figureheads are its ‘raison d’être’, Chat Shit Get Banged has tapped NFTs as a medium of peaceful protest—given how the digital assets offer an exciting and interesting use of technology that allows anyone to be an artist. “At the same time, anyone can also bid for it and have the opportunity to own something very unique and special,” the trio said. “That community aspect felt right for this project, especially as we are creating a collectable item.”
When it comes to art—let alone butt plugs—based on political figures and current events, projects usually walk a tightrope between condoning the subject matter and supporting the cause with a mission. In the Vladimir Put-in’s case, however, the team admitted to witnessing positive responses from both countries, some of which the pro-bono project actively shares on Instagram.
“Each collection drop will have a charity aspect in some way, our main MO is to send financial help to those who are in need,” Chat Shit Get Banged continued, adding how a second generation of the Vladimir Put-in is set to drop after the current auction—but only as an NFT featuring different expressions and materials.
As Chat Shit Get Banged hopes to mint more digital assets of detested public figures in the future, one question remains: can we expect a butt plug based on the ‘Cheeto Jesus’ himself? “We are praying that a certain someone’s name that rhymes with ‘hump’ is stuck in the past,” the team mentioned. “But unfortunately, we can never say never! You can be sure to see more world leaders as well as others in the media that you’ve rolled your eyes at one too many times.”
And for those of you who are curious to know what the talking Vladimir Put-in plug would play out loud once inserted, here’s what the team had to say: “We’re going to keep this as a surprise for now but it will 100 per cent be his [Vladimir Putin’s] voice and we’ll be keeping it all light-hearted.”
Well, I guess you’ll have to find out what ‘Vladdy Daddy’ says when you stick it to the Russian leader by placing your bids here. In the case of the physical copy making its way to the Russian Embassy as we speak, know that—at the end of the day—nothing screams “fuck you” like a talking sex toy in your mailbox.