Do Gen Z secretly hate their boyfriends? TikTok’s viral #IHateMyBF says yes
If your friend group consists of any heterosexual women, the odds that you have at least one friend who cannot stand their boyfriend are pretty high. I’m sure you’re familiar with the typical plights: John can never plan a proper date night, Matt won’t unfollow his ex-girlfriend, and Sam just sucks, generally. Men, am I right? But it’s not just your friends. Hundreds of thousands of women have felt this exact same way. You can try and fight it, but sometimes you have to face the facts. Enter the #IHateMyBF trend, the internet’s answer to airing out every couple’s dirty laundry.
@ihatemybf017 mesmerising #ihatemybf #ihatemybf #ihatemybf #ihatemybf #ihatemybf #imnotjk #imsodeadass #fypp #foryou #fyp
♬ B.E.D overlap - Amir
What is the #IHateMyBF trend?
Originally born as a response to the trend of men using #IHateMyGF, #IHateMyBF currently has over 90,000 posts on TikTok, with many of the often relatable, always comedic videos garnering hundreds of thousands (and even millions) of views. The formatting of the content varies; some women post their dating experiences (“How I sounded ranting to everyone when I was a #IHateMyBF final boss,” one user posted) while others use the hashtag with videos of Henry Danger, Future and even Shrek.
Fictional characters like Grey’s Anatomy’s Christina Yang, The OC’s Marissa Cooper, and Challengers’ Tashi Duncan have been hailed as the OG boyfriend haters for their annoyance and indifference towards their partners, while a video of the very non-fictional Melania Trump looking disinterested during her husband’s inauguration ceremony earlier this year had TikTok crown her one as well.
@bbbeltt she definitely vote kamala #melaniatrump #ihatemybf #vote #melania #trump #america #meme #brat
♬ slimpetras nicki minaj pluggnrage - slimpetras
Even women in happy relationships are partaking. One user posted: “Me laughing at all the #IHateMyBF posts while he sleeps peacefully right next to me.” It currently has over 940,000 likes.
Izzy Mandus, a 19-year-old college student, says she first began seeing the memes last September, estimating she and her friends would send each other “at least 20 a day” during the semester.
“Mostly, it’s because they’re so ironic,” she said. “Because if you hate your boyfriend, break up with him. It’s funny because it’s so outlandish.”
Why are Gen Z obsessed with the ‘I hate my boyfriend’ trend?
Maybe they took the advice to date ‘em till you hate ‘em a little too literally. Or maybe not. This content, as well as other trends like the ‘women in male fields’ (which sparked the ‘men in female fields’ spin-off, because, of course, they had to) are letting women point out, and laugh at, the fractured state of male-female relations today.
It’s no secret that the gender divide is alive and well, especially among Gen Zers, and especially online. A recent study from Ipsos UK and the Global Institute for Women’s Leadership at King’s College London even found Gen Z more likely than previous generations to feel there is tension between genders.
“What we’re seeing is that there is a divide in terms of attitude between Gen Z men and women,” says Olivia Ryan, an Associate Director at Ipsos, “with Gen Z women continuing to be quite progressive, and men less.”
Their research found that only 32 per cent of Gen Z men identify as a feminist, while 53 per cent of women do. Meanwhile, 60 per cent of Gen Z men feel they are expected to do too much to support equality, and 57 per cent feel this push for equality is discriminatory towards themselves. The fact that there is tension between genders is one of the only things Gen Zers are actually aligned on.
While these statistics are no laughing matter, the videos are funny—and relatable. Leah Kirk, a 29-year-old Toronto-based actor, has amassed over 183,000 followers and millions of views on TikTok from her online characters, her most popular being a girl who hates her boyfriend whom she portrays with cringe-inducing accuracy. “It’s just a skit, it’s just a skit, it’s just a skit,” writes one commenter. In part, she credits the success of these videos to people’s frustration with the current dating atmosphere.
@55555leah she has the terminator queued up as well
♬ original sound - leah
“I think they can understand and relate to it and be like, yeah, sometimes I am pushed to the edge,” said Kirk. “The whole mentality behind that character is we’ve all experienced some sort of behaviour that this person exhibits in the videos… When the girl starts acting frustrated, like she hates you as a boyfriend, that’s probably because a lot of her needs aren’t being met.”
@55555leah Shouldn’t have
♬ original sound - leah
And as Mandus points out, “if you’re going through a problem in your relationship, it’s a lot easier to relate with humour than to take it seriously.”
But, as is nearly always the case with viral online trends, not everyone finds these videos amusing. Some commenters (ahem, men) think the videos are “red flags,” encouraging bad behaviour and just unnecessary. Should we remind them who started this trend again?
So, do Gen Z women actually hate their boyfriends?
Yes and no. While the vast majority of these videos are intended to make people laugh, there is usually a semblance of truth buried beneath, regardless of how immoral some feel the hashtag is.
“It’s definitely not relationship advice,” said Mandus, “I’m definitely not trying to promote anything unhealthy.” Kirk echoed the sentiment: “This is a total joke. This is not realistically how things happen most of the time.”
Who cares?
While influencing and women are often synonymous, men still largely dominate the internet. The top-followed accounts on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube and X are all held by men; there are nearly 5 per cent more men than women online, according to Statista. #IHateMyBF is a slight foil to this.
“TikTok becomes a space where women feel like they have a form of power,” said University of New Mexico literacy Professor Mary Rice. “Men have spaces on the internet… There are no spaces for women. [This] space is a way to counter those very hyper masculine spaces.”
While #IHateMyBF posters aren’t running off into the sunset, fists pumping, to cheat on their boyfriends, the trend (as unserious as it may seem) is letting women reclaim a bit of power that’s so often resigned to men. Let the girls laugh!
