Canadian singer and songwriter Grimes has been busy lately—not so much with releasing new music, but with denouncing the transphobic rhetoric, Nazi salutes, and hard-right involvement of her ex-partner, Elon Musk. The singer, who shares three children with the tech billionaire, has been making headlines for her strong condemnation of his recent behaviour and actions. Yet, the media’s focus on her comments about Musk, consistently turning to her whenever he embarks on a new rampage, raises one pertinent question: why are we still asking women to answer for the bad behaviour of the men in their lives?

Of course, Grimes isn’t the only woman in the public eye who is vulnerable to this type of sexist scrutiny.

When the news about the various allegations of sexual assault against actor and comedian Russell Brand broke, many immediately turned an eye to his ex-wife, Katy Perry. Although the pair divorced more than a decade earlier, and despite the fact that Perry has been engaged to Orlando Bloom since 2019, with whom she shares a daughter, the public seemed quite eager to dissect her alongside her former partner.

KATY PERRY USED TO DATE RUSSELL BRAND ??? THE RIGHT WING RUSSELL BRAND ?? pic.twitter.com/c1o3rlSU2X

— 🇵🇸Free Palestine🔻 (@hotboijudas) December 31, 2024

remembering that Katy Perry and Russell Brand were once married pic.twitter.com/ytF3fYZIqL

— Barrio Speedwagon (@headaik) July 17, 2024

Old quotes about marital troubles between the two celebrities started circulating online, with many media outlets using snippets of comments Perry once made for salacious headlines.

One of these excerpts stemmed from a 2013 Vogue interview where the ‘I Kissed a Girl’ singer discussed keeping the “real truth” about their divorce hidden for “a rainy day.” Brand stands accused of an assault which happened mere months after his divorce from the pop star, leading many to believe that this is what Perry was alluding to.

But a closer look at the interview, in which the pop star explores Brand’s controlling and manipulative behaviour as well as her guilt towards ending their marriage, moves these comments into a different light: it seems like Perry is hiding evidence of emotional abuse and cheating, at most.

And while the ‘WOMAN’S WORLD’ singer’s ethics and feminist ideals have been the subject of much critique, due to their ingenuine and performative sheen, putting it into connection with her ex-partner’s indiscretion is a reach. Especially because there has never been any evidence that she was aware of, or even complicit in his actions.

So why are people so keen to link the singer to a man who hasn’t occupied a space in her life for years? Why are they so eager for Perry to comment on his wrongdoings? Why would it be required of her to distance herself from someone she already divorced?

In the same way, fans turned to Jenna Ortega after allegations of sexual assault against her Wednesday co-star Percy Hynes-White surfaced. Although the allegations have never fully been substantiated, many netizens called on the actor to condemn her co-star’s behaviour and argued that she should threaten to leave the show, or delay filming until White is sacked.

jenna ortega is grown enough to be fully aware of what she is doing, there is no way in hell she doesn’t know ab what kind of person percy is pic.twitter.com/b48CNTALb7

— luka (@bitemeout) May 10, 2023

people expecting jenna ortega to speak up about percy is SO weird bc why should she have to show accountability for a man’s actions? #cancelpercy

— KARLA ‏ (@swtkarla) January 19, 2023

Needless to say, it was very strange that so much of the online discourse about White’s behaviour revolved around a woman who, to all extents, was an unconnected party. Why would people ask Ortega to place her own job on the line in order to hold her co-star accountable? Why do we expect women to bear the responsibility for the actions of men?

The answer lies in how patriarchal societies shift accountability for bad actions from men onto women. We are supposed to be their nurturers, caregivers, keepers and moral guides. Men’s behaviour is often normalised or excused, while women are left to answer for their actions.

After all, modesty, civility, innocence and propriety are part of the role we were assigned. Boys will just be boys, at the end of the day. Or at least, that’s what discourse like this reflects.

Of course, a natural element in all of this is that fans just want their idols to reflect the same values they believe in. It’s a natural desire considering that celebrities’ images are constructed out of the narratives their PR teams craft and what we project onto them.

For a lot of these women that image revolves around being outspoken on social justice issues such as racism, human rights, and assault. And as providers of their platforms, we should ensure that they uphold these values especially when they have skin in the game.

Yet, it’s vital to distinguish between holding a star accountable for their own actions and unfairly expecting them to answer for someone else’s, especially if that someone occupies no real space in their lives. It only shifts attention away from the actual perpetrators and looks at these women as if they are somehow responsible for men’s mistakes.