While you may have been Banksyed, experienced micro-cheating, ghosting, Rebecca Syndrome, reverse catfishing, or kittenfishing in dating—have you ever been Shrekked?

If you’ve been single for any length of time, you will likely feel like you’ve heard it all by now. But the internet continues to surprise us, coining terms for often universal experiences that bring singletons together. ‘Shrekking’ is the latest term added to the ever-growing dating dictionary. While it is based on the film Shrek, it is far from a fairytale. 

The term Shrekking is used to describe a toxic trend that sees you give the underdog a chance by dating someone you’re not initially attracted to in the hopes that this person will treat you better in return, and your attraction to them will grow over time. It follows the narrative that because it worked for Princess Fiona and Shrek in Far Far Away, it might turn out OK for you, too. But if you end up getting Shrekked, it’s because the person you lowered your standards for still ended up hurting you. 

Dating Coach Amy Chan tells USA Today that the term might be new, but the behaviour isn’t. She says: “Plenty of people have put looks lower on the list or hoped attraction would grow over time, and that in itself isn’t a bad thing. Where it backfires is when someone assumes that just because they’re dating ‘down’ in looks, they’ll automatically be treated better.”

One dater took to TikTok to explain the trend, saying that we’ve all been there: “We give the guy we’re not attracted to a chance, thinking that he will for sure know what he has and treat us well. And then we get traumatised by a whole troll.”

@becomingsecure

Getting shreked. I’m here for it 🤣 #shreked #onlinedating #datingsucks

♬ original sound - becomingsecure

The term embodies a lot that is wrong with dating, however, and highlights its harsh realities. The first is the assumption that what someone looks like can determine how they will treat you. It clearly doesn’t matter what someone looks like, as it’s the inside that counts. 

The other is that you can’t fall for people outside of your ‘type.’ We should be falling for anyone who treats us well. Sometimes we get chemistry confused with actual connection, but physical attraction shouldn’t be the only basis of a new relationship. That’s not a very strong foundation for a happily ever after. 

Still, dating can very much be a traumatic experience, with the rise of dating app swipe culture and relationships struggling to blossom in a world of throwaway matches, it’s as common to experience heartbreak from your three-week situationship as it is from your three-year relationship. 

One user joked on TikTok about how every pretty girl he knows has been traumatised by someone who either looks like Shrek, Lord Farquaad, or Donkey. 

@jaxitodwyer

Have you been Shrekked?

♬ original sound - jaxitodwyer

While some are looking for a more Puss in Boots kind of suitor, dating coach Chan notes that in the Shrekking plotline, “you’re dating an ogre without the princess treatment.” 

So, how do you maintain a healthy relationship with someone who you also find attractive? To avoid dating an ogre, in your eyes, and still get princess treatment, the important thing to develop in dating is how to assess someone’s character—what do they value? Can they talk about their emotions? Are they kind to dogs and kids? It’s people who are beautiful on the inside who are going to treat you right. 

Although if anyone else thinks Shrek is hot for a cartoon and this new term is a bit of a low blow to him, feel free to join my support group for thinking mystical characters are attractive.