From ghosting and breadcrumbing to benching and the soft launch, the dating dictionary never stops expanding—and not every term is as cosy as cuffing season. More often than not, it’s the toxic dating trends that end up becoming part of our everyday vocabulary.

While having a label for a horrendous act (like hogging) can help us call it out, today’s dating scene almost seems to encourage bad behaviour, fuelled by a ‘grass is greener’ mindset and the habits we’ve picked up from endless swiping on dating apps.

You’re only ever one swipe away from a new potential love interest, a recipe for an abundance mindset, but not in the romantic, ‘plenty of fish in the sea’ sense. It’s more of a cold, ‘who’s next?’ approach. Believing there’s always another The One waiting in the wings is a selfish way to date, stripping the process of real emotional investment, and yet, it’s becoming increasingly common.

And if you thought egotistical, self-centred dating couldn’t get any messier, meet your new vocab: ‘Banksying.’ This latest toxic trend is all about blindsiding your partner with a breakup, not to spare their feelings, but to shield your own.

The term ‘Banksying’ is thought to come from British street artist and political activist Banksy, famous for unexpected (and sometimes self-destructive) works. Banksy often operates in secret, planning in the shadows before suddenly unveiling a new piece. In dating terms, to ‘Banksy’ someone is to do the same thing emotionally: vanish from a relationship with no warning, leaving your partner blindsided.

It’s when one person has been quietly detaching for weeks, even months, secretly plotting their exit, while their partner remains completely unaware. In a Banksying, that partner becomes the blindsided victim, left confused and heartbroken by the sudden, shocking breakup.

While ghosting is abrupt and usually happens early on, Banksying can strike at any stage, and it’s far more covert. It’s a slow fade, marked by subtle shifts: less affection, growing emotional distance, and vague excuses that never quite add up.

The Banksy-er goes through the motions, reassuring their partner that everything’s fine, all while quietly detaching, pulling away in both head and heart.

It’s not a brand-new way to break up, but it is becoming more common. Dating coach Amy Chan told USA Today that Banksying has been around for a while, it just finally has a name. She links its rise to the proliferation of dating apps, “where people have developed poor dating etiquette.”

“The person withdrawing gets the ability to process the breakup on their own terms, before they hand the memo to the other person, who ends up being in total shock. It’s selfish,” Chan adds. On her TikTok channel, she says this shows “just how emotionally avoidant people have become.”

@missamychan

Have you ever been “Banksied”? #banksying #datingtrend #breakupcoach #ghosted

♬ See Her Out (Thats Just Life) - Francis and the Lights

The blindsiding nature of this dating trend means there aren’t many signs before the brutal dumping, but there will be clues, if you look really closely. Humans are naturally attuned to each other, and we pick up on subtle cues. So even if the Banksy-er thinks they’re being a top secret MI5-level spy with their breakup plans, you might have an inkling.

I know I definitely did. I was on a weekend away at a friend’s wedding, surrounded by love and wanting to text my boyfriend. His replies were sparse, shorter than normal. I asked what was wrong several times to receive “It’s just been a busy week” in reply. You believe someone you trust, who previously made you feel secure.

But there was a niggling pull under the surface that told me he was acting out of the ordinary. When I made it home, I got the “we need to talk” text. On reflection, he’d been pulling away for a few weeks before the breakup, maybe waiting to see if he acted aloof enough that I would dump him first.

It’s those out-of-the-blue endings that arguably hurt the most. From my view, we were still in a good place, still honeymooning, but he pulled the ‘I’m not ready card,’ and got out while he could. Although, he did zombie a few months later (when an ex comes back from the dead to rekindle things).

So, even if your partner reassures you that everything is fine, remember to listen to your gut if you’re sensing something different or off. Chances are, you’ll be correct. And they might be about to pull a Banksy.

In an era of conflict avoidance, immature dating approaches and a lack of communication will leave you questioning how we are meant to date successfully. While Banksying may reflect a wider dating trend of emotional unavailability among singletons, it’s important to keep hope.

The solution, according to dating coach Chan, is to have open and honest communication throughout the relationship, even in the early stages, and even when doing so feels uncomfortable.

It’s perhaps the least we can ask for at the start of a new relationship, or even two years in, but maintaining good communication means that if a relationship is coming to an end, at least you will be able to talk about it instead of one person being left blindsided.

And if you’re thinking of pulling a Banksy, remember that the artist’s ‘Love is in the Bin’ piece was shredded into thousands of pieces—and it could be your heart through the wringer next, because karma.